Fruity recently packed her Bros cassettes and scrunchies into her Corolla and headed over to fruitybeauty.com.au Click here to be taken there, or be deliberately defiant and we will send you there in a second anyway.
... See you there, grizzly bear!
I know I haven't posted for a few weeks, and I apologise because that's very lazy, dull and adorable of me.
But! As far as excuses go, I reckon I might have the High Priestess of them: I snuck off and got married in a tiny, secret ceremony a couple of weeks back, and then immediately buzzed off on my megamoon (it's a l-o-n-g one).
I look very forward to doing a full post with a disgusting amount of photos on it when I'm back, and boring you with the details of my (fun/furtive) skin care prep and specific hair and makeup and manicure and dental floss choice, because if you can't be narcissistic about your own wedding, when can you be? (Always, if you have a blog like this one.)
For now, I'm busy being a dork on my funnymoon with my beautiful, brand new husband.
But! Mostly, mostly I wanted to write this post to wish you gorgeous rascals sparkling health and deep joy, and to thank you for being such delightful readers and valuable team members... I wish you each a truly glorious, peaceful, joyful and XXL fun festive season, and a wildly happy and successful and abundant 2014!!
In the shape of these two fashion-forward genetic jackpots, Lady Margherita Missoni and Dame Karlie Kloss.
Both have had long, lovely hair, the kind that often features in the iPhone gallery of women like you and I when we head to the salon for a cut, or style, or great colour and need a good reference, for a great many years (that is how one achieves long hair, after all), and both have recently cut said hair to perch elegantly, mischievously above their shoulders, but below their chins.
A terribly chic length, of course. Wonderfully versatile and fantastically sexy in that insouciant, confident way.
Here is Miss Kloss, doing nothing to stop the perception that women sassing 'librarian' frames are deeply sexy, in a coy and dewey system kind of way.
And lady Missoni, heir to vibrant zigzags and jubilant florals...
Please note how in both cases, high-necked skivvies and collars make no challenge to the hair at all, in fact, this length allows such necklines to shine. Long hair on the other case, it wants to compete with everything, and looks far better put up, back and away when the neckline is high.
I personally love this length, and interestingly, find when my hair is shorter, my hemlines quickly also rise. It's as though with short hair, you've lessened one of your focal points (long hair), so you're allowed to create a new one (legs). Also, it tends to look less.... full on, than short skirt, long hair for some reason. No scientist has ever accurately confirmed why.
But why would they? They've got Mentos' to be dropping in Coke and other important stuff to do.
As the proud/often annoyed owner of very curly fine hair that loves to frizz more than is considered the legal limit in three states, I am often asked, (in an unsually aggressive manner, to be honest): 'Fosters! How do you get your curls to behave and stuff?"
So, as I was doing my hair for a 75th at a Russian restaurant in Elsternwick on the weekend (DON'T JUDGE until you've been there and had 34 shots of straight vodka and the night of your g-dang life) I thought I would do a wee photo diary on how I styled my curls. And the rules of it. And explain how much quicker and easier it is than blow-drying. (Plus it was raining so why even entertain the idea of smooth, obedient hair? Roll with the wild, Brazilian '80s look, toots.)
And look, I don't want to start a passionate debate about curls V straight hair here, but I do always seem to get more hairpliments (hair compliments) when my hair is like this, so maybe, if you have curly hair, it's time to let it dance once more?
Here's how I do mine, in case you'd like to give it a go.
ONE: DO NOT RUB WET HAIR WITH YOUR TOWEL AFTER WASHING IT.
Scrunch it gently with your towel to keep the shape of the curls intact, and not cause frizz/boof. Also, use something lovely and nourishing to wash it with so that it's already nice and hydrated and behavey. Please note the absence of a comb or brush at this, and any point.
TWO: APPLY A DOLLOP OF LEAVE-IN CONDITIONING BALM/ANTI-FRIZZ CREME/CURL BALM ALL OVER, EXCEPT THE ROOTS.
I used Pantene All-Day Smooth, (I also like ghd Obedience Cream) which is lovely and nourishing but marvelously lightweight. Also: CHEAP. Small pea amount on my fingers rubbed together, and then scrunched and rubbed all over the hair, except for the roots, because any product that close to the old oil-producer ("scalp") can lead to a lank, greasy look.
THREE: USING YOUR HAIR DRYER WITHOUT THE NOZZLE (OR EVEN BETTER, A DIFFUSER) DRY YOUR HAIR OFF.
Gently, on a low air and moderate heat, dry your curls. Do a lot of scrunching and coiling and twirling as you go to shape the curls. Be sure to flip your head upside its head (Snap lyric reference for those born in the '80s) a lot, and get the heat in there at the roots so as to create volume. Do this for at least five minutes, until the hair is at least 85-90% dry.
FOUR: YOU WILL NOTE IT IS A BIT BOOFY BUT THE DRY-OFF HAS DEFINITELY HELPED. DON'T SOOK. GO DO YOUR MAKEUP.
The curls are forming! They have been coated in something to stop the frizz, and heat dried to create shape, bounce and volume. Give them 10-15 minutes to understand all of this and do your mug/get dressed/eat some corn chips.
FIVE: HAIR WILL BE LOOKING A BIT BIGGER AND BETTER, CURLS ARE SETTLING IN NICE. BUT SOME OF THE ENDS ARE LOOKING SHIT AND LIMP AND FLYAWAY.
Usually, it will be on the ends, which if they are in bad shape because your hair used to be bleach blonde ("me") or you need a hair cut, will be a bit... uninspired. You don't need to stand for this. You don't need to stand for this!
SIX: TONG THEM! DO TIGHT, LOTS-OF-TENSION CURLS WITH A SMALL BARREL TONG WHERE YOUR HAIR NEEDS A BIG MORE BOUNCE AND CURL.
There is no need to go nuts, or even pumpkin seeds. Just do a few minutes worth of tonging here and there, (take the hair back off and away from your face; always position the tong cord in the air) which will help and encourage the rest of your curls to take shape around them. Don't shake them out yet, by the way. Let them cool as crazy tight ringlets, you can finger tousle them out in about 10 minutes, when you're out on the street cursing every motherdingin' taxi that won't stop. Also: Try not to burn yourself while taking photos for your blog.
SEVEN: DONE! (UH, EXCEPT FOR THE SHAKING IT OUT IN THE CAR WHEN THE CURLS ARE STONE COLD/HAVE SET.)
Well. Look at you. Thanks to a bit of clever drying and a few minutes tonging, your curls are looking good, it all blends in nicely, and you're just a babe with big, glorious, Aerobics instructor curls. I don't even finish with hair spray anymore, because it makes the curls too sticky and obvious, and I prefer a lived-in, soft curl. Also, the less product I use, the more days I can get out of my hair. (I'm on day four already, and after a touch of dry shampoo this morning, and am feeling pretty smug.)
Add large hoops and hot pink rollerskates at whim.
NB: I know this is a controversial area of hair styling, because every dame's curls behave in their own special ("frustrating") way, and I concede this might not work for you, but try it. Can't hurt, ay.
This work is copyright. Apart from any use permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced by any process, nor may any other exclusive right be exercised, without the permission of Zoe Foster, 2006.
