fruitybeauty

It iz 'ere! Ze makeup remover we 'ave all been waiting for!

This one!

Bioderma Crealine H₂0, it's called, and it's now available in Aussie pharmacies (just the good ones, I suspect) and at Adorebeauty. It's approximately 40 clams, which isn't as cheap as in France, but those airfares tend to cost a pretty penny, so it all comes out in the wash.

I've written about it before, but here's a recap on why it's such an enduring cult beauty product, just in case you are some kind of selfish jerk who doesn't read every single thing I write:

- It's one of those crazy cheap, wildly effective excellent French pharmacy buys that are world famous thanks to celebrities and people like Chris Martin's wife who, and this is just my opinion, could very well end up as an actress or model or singer one day. She just seems to have that star quality, don't you agree?

- It is a cleansing water, actually, (meaning you need no water, you just use cotton pads and the Crealine) not a makeup remover, but it is an OUTSTANDING makeup remover, so I choose to focus on that part. Like when you buy a fixie to use as a bike but much prefer to use it as furniture/a coat rack.

- It is, in my arrogant opinion, preferable over facial wipes for a quick all-off. I put this down to it being all fragrance free and soft and so moisturising... consider travelling with this and some cotton pads instead of wipes, maybe?

- Makeup artists bloody love it. I can't think of one time I haven't seen it in the paws or in the kit of a makeup artist working backstage or on a shoot. Ever. They like it because it's gentle and ideal for sensitive skin, and hydrating and won't irritate, and removes even the strongest eyeliner, and did I mention gentle? And gentle is what you want/need when you are dealing with a model who has already had makeup applied seven times today, or whose face you need to personally reapply seven new makeup looks to in as many hours. For years I have heard these folk bemoan the fact they have to ship it in from France so I can only imagine the enormous party (imagine all of the perfect winged liner and lashes!) that must be going on knowing it's here in Australia now.

- Models love it too, for very similar reasons as makeup artists, and the fact it won't dry out or piss off their skin. 

- Four year-old girls love the pink lid because pink usually means something fun. They are generally very disappointed when it turns out to be non-edible and non-playable and not smelling of bubblegum.

 

Obligatory Meowbert post.

It has come to my attention via comments, emails, tweets and well-dressed protestors parked out the front of my home making a racket with Tiffany and Co vuvuzelas, that, generally speaking (or violent chanting, as they are wont to do) my cat, Meowbert, is of more interest than my beauty posts. 

This would be offensive, except for the fact that I agree. He IS far more exciting than posts on blackheads or fancy manicures featuring bow-ties and/or flags. (Just on that, have we all admitted that those photos of our nails we're putting on Instagram or Twitter is just a slightly slicker version of those tacky, glittery palm tree talons we see collecting dust at our local nail bar? We have? Cool. Just checking.)

Even when he is moodily lit sitting on the wizzer late at night, watching me as I brush my teeth. Especially when he is moodily lit sitting on the wizzer late at night, watching me as I brush my teeth.

Further fake tannery chat.

As if to prove my adoration for a certain greek-named self-tanner, and four of its cute friends, I shimmied (that's not entirely true, witnesses will say it was more of a jittery, creepy shuffle) onto The Today Show yesterday and chatted with the glorious and stylish and elegant L. Wilkinson about my top self-tan picks. Swell timing with all those racedays advancing.

The video can be found here but not here, so don't click there.

Model Co also just sent me their new Supertan, a dazzlingly deep spray-tan colour that develops in two sweet hours, which you are off your tree if you think I am not trying this weekend. Seriously. Look down. Are you on your tree? It pays to check sometimes.

I used to spent a lot of my peasant Uni-student salary on their Tan in a Can and have always maintained a soft spot for the guys in hot pink.

 

And also for Model Co.

 

What's my favourite self-tanning product? That's easy.

Well, I mean, not easy-easy as in: Should I have this slice of steaming hot pizza in front of me or should I quickly do my tax return first, but fairly easy.

Because there are some cracking self tans out there, aren't there. (Rhetoric.)

Like Ella Bache Great Tan (a classic with a green base for authentic non-orange, cocoa colour)
Le Tan Instant Tan or Bronzing Cream (smells like caramel, lovely caramel colour also. Caramel fest!)
And you can't bloody beat a St Tropez spray tan for perfection/dropping 5kgs overnight.

BUT. I really do love Santorini Sun. Have for years. You're probably bored of reading my love for it. Don't care. It's my go-to for when I don't have time for a spray tan, but need to look tanned and in a believable, flawlessy way.

My old, empty, much-loved bottle with the original packaging.

It's organic and genuinely all-natural and Australian-made which is terrific, but I'm the kind of foolish renengade who cares less about that gear and more about things like:

• Application
• Scent
• Colour
• Tne precise level of illusionary muscle tone it gives my not-toned arms

I only ever used the (tinted) lotion, which gives the spray tan effect/colour I love without any orange, dries instantly and isn't sticky (it's quite dark - my olive skin can take it but lighter fruits may not be as enchanted, and no, it isn't scentless) but Paula, the founder of Santorini Sun, she sent me their gradual tanner and also tanning cream last week and UH OH, now fruity has gone all evangelical about shit.

The gradual tanner is a delight. Wear it in the morning and fear not the raw potato stench throughout the day. Return home that evening with a convincing light glow. (I don't wear self tan at night because IT IS ALWAYS STICKY AND PREVENTS ME FROM GETTING TO THE EXACT DEEP SLEEP LEVELS WHICH I NEED TO BE A GENIUS EVERY DAY.)

The tanning cream is tinted (as is the lotion), and quite thick and Ella Bache-esque in texture, and gives quite the delicious colour instantly, then deepening over the next five hours or so. You smell like fake tan. This is forgiveable. I am wearing it now and am excited to wear a tarty dress tonight to show off my gams.

New fancy packaging and products.

The fact that I am also a gasping, frenzied fan of Santorini itself might also sweeten the deal but then, I don't like Aussie haircare, and I am quite the fan of Aussie.

 

 

Wear a hat when you go get a facial, why don't you?

I did yesterday and I cannot tell you how smug and 'put together' I felt when I left.

... Okay, so I just asked mum and she said I COULD tell you: I felt a lot smug and put together.

This lies in direct and violent contrast to how I usually feel after a facial, especially in the hair region, which is, in short, disgusting. Not only are there bits of white face mask clinging to my nostrils, and some clay on my neck, and some exfoliating gel in my hair, but I have earned hair that is neither greasy nor flat nor boofy not curly, but a dazzling combination of all four. I have had a wonderful time, but my appearance is nay in sync with my floaty bliss.

So, I wore a hat.

This allowed me to Do Actual Things in Public afterwards, rather than slink back home in shame. It may seem obvious, this hat business, but I usually just book my facials in as late as possible so I can slink home in the shadows of trees and industrial bins and do nothing and see no-one. I still recommend that option by the way - post-facial is not pretty. The next morning? THAT'S PRETTY. That's when you see the results.

Here is hat I wore. It cares not for rules about clashing prints with stripes and I applaud that.

Thanks, hat.

Dang. Fruity gon' got a makeover.

While the whimiscal photo of me holding "computer tools" suggests that I may have had a hand (or two) in this fun makeover, I almost entirely did not, except for a lot of irritating, mind-changing direction and countless emails beginning with, "I PROMISE this is the last change."

Stef from Fly Digital did it, and very quickly and effortlessly, because he is terrific at the innernette and you would contact him for help with your blog makeover too, if you knew what was good for you.

Wanna resusitate fruity, I said to him. Wanna make it modern. Start babbling on there occasionally again. Can't feel inspired when the layout is so...  (mouth vomit) 2008.

It will cost you your life! he said, brandishing a sword, eyes glazed and wild.

Knock it off, I said.

Alright, he said.