fruitybeauty

Just pray the chemist is open later than 8pm.

I had a photo taken for a magazine last week*, and the night before I realised my hair was kind of red and faded and shit.

SO! What did I do?

Use a black or blue biro only, your time starts now.

I:

A. Shrugged and went back to my balloon shape-making.
B. Ducked up to the chemist on Bondi road and bought a Napro Live colour in an unassuming brown shade.
C. Made a mixture of crumbled brown mascara and water, and poured it through my hair.
D. Canceled the photo shoot and booked in a game of golf instead, seeing as though I'd already told my boss I'd be in late.

If you chose A you are correct. However, as the question was not: How do I respond to my flatmate telling me she has just sold all of my belongings so that could get a new spoiler, some subwoofers and a metallic 'Violent Violet' finish for her 1995 Excel, you're in the wrong quiz.

The answer is of course B. Cause MAN, I'd forgotten how easy these little packets of brown goo were! Not wanting to disrupt my real Life Colourist's work, I just left it in for five minutes, and that was enough for a refreshed colour and lots of shine.

Point: Cheap. Quick. Easy to find. Great for emergency weddings/dates/job interviews etc when you haven't had time to get to your colourist for a semi, EVEN if you're a totally sophisticated grown up and you don't use Packet Hair Colour, thank you very much.

*The photo was for a little story on my novel, which I will joyously reveal to you is called Air Kisses, and is on sale June 30 and is about four women living in NYC, one who is a lawyer, one who is a PR mogul, one who works at an art gallery and one who is a sex columnist. It's going to be unlike ANYTHING you've ever read or seen before.)

See? Just look how awesome and natural my new colour is.

Slick as a rat with a gold tooth.

You know how you see those looks on the catwalk where the model has super mega perfect slick hair (see visual aid) and then you try it at home and your hair's all like, 'Oh, riiiight, so you spend the last three months trying to rootlift and boost me and glamorously curl me, and now, NOW you thunder in with your fancy paddle brush and want me to lie down flat and flyaway free and smooth as if, as if, I'm some kind of TOY that you can manipulate whenever the mood STRIKES you? Well SCREW YOU, sunshine' or something to that effect, all dramatic and disobedienty like? Well, I met a hairstylist last week who under gunpoint revealed to me who it's done, how the backstage genius hair squad do it; how YOU can do it.

It's kind of simple. Forget styling it and hairspraying and hairspraying and then hairspraying it some more it into place like some form of eco-oblivious fool. Cause that's what I was doing and believe me, I have completely forgotten it. No, the trick is to mix styling wax and straightening balm in your hands, and then comb it through the hair before styling it into a minxy little side part pony, or centre part bun. Delicious with an evening gown and beautiful with a cocktail number and hot with a tuxedo jacket.

She, the anonymous hair secret-revealer, mentioned that they usually comb it through with a tint brush, as if applying a colour to the hair, but probably we don't have time for that, so we'll just do it with a finetooth comb and cheat, won't we? Yes. Yes, we will.

Shops with Benefits.

Fun fact: Benefit opened their first Australian shop in oxford street Paddington last week. They were launching not only the store, but Posietint, which is the flirty little sister to their famous cheek and lip tint, Benetint. Posietint is a petal pink, sheer translucent gel that you blend into the apples of your cheeks for perhaps the cutest and most believable blush effect since a walk in the winter wind. And it stays put! Brilliant stuff. It sold out in Sephora REAL quick and is kind of the cosmetic version of Gossip Girl in terms of coolness right now. I love Posietint. Say hi, baby.

"Hi."

Fun lie: I sometimes speak to Katie Holmes on Skype.

Fun fact: They have a brow bar in this Benefit store, or rather a row of adorable little brow stations, and even though I am very very very very very very very very very fussy about my brows, I gave it a go and was very happy with the outcome.

Fun lie: All food consumed on road trips is fat, sugar and calorie void.

Fun fact:  When you are midway through getting your brows tinted, you look really, really fug.

 

Everyone should get the chance to be me.

So says Paris 'Pazza' Hilton, who has just "created the world's hottest hair extensions" with Sally Beauty in the US. Curiously, this is her second shot at hair extensions, her first were called, don't laugh, Dreamcatchers. (As opposed to drinkingstraw catchers, or lipgloss catchers, both of which are more appropriate.)

Paz's hair extensions are fairly rudimentary looking to me, especially compared with some of the other clip-in extensions out there (Original Diva, Headline Hairpieces for a start) but, well, Paz says they're hot, who's to argue? (They cost $80 and they only come in one straight, 18cm length, so maybe someone disenchanted by those limitations might.)

Aside of the excellent opening copy on the website, and the criminal overuse of the word hot within said website, the thing that makes me strikes me as most amusing in this whole venture is that Paris's extensions usually look, uh, kind of un-hot. She's much cuter with short hair. Agree? See Visual aids for decision making assistance.

Visual Aid 1.0: Bad hair and Visible Extension Line. (EVL.)

Visual Aid 2.0: Cute, chic hair. (And the cool, coloured style of sunglasses we'll all be wearing next summer.)

See, the key to extensions, I think, is to have them professionally fitted and cut so that they look foxy and thick and long, but most crucially, natural within the frame of your natural mop.

Incidentally, Jessica Simpson's brand of clip-in extensions, Hair Do, offers roughly 675 more options and lengths and styles than Paris's. Just saying.

The Smelly Girl Club.

As we all know, one isn't a TRUE star until one has posed for an astronomically-priced photographer for a small bottle of scented liquid. This honour means you automatically become a member of the Smelly Girls Club, a kind of super elite club that's almost as highly regarded as the backseat of a high school bus.

So! Let's meet the new smelly girls!

Naomi Watts has just been signed on as the face of Thierry Mugler's Angel. Old mate Mugler is renown for splendid campaigns, so I quite look forward to seeing Wattsy in these ads. I personally smell like a small child who has been rolling around in icing sugar when I wear Angel, however, one of my friends wears it and it's hot as on her. I much much prefer his more recent scent, Alien.  It's sexy and uniquey and compliment getty.

  

Erykah Badu, probably one of my most adored singers, is set to be the face of Tom Ford's new scent. (Hope she reads that contract properly, Tom has quite the penchant for thighs and breasts and crotches in his ads. See here and here for the smutty proof, but be warned, these ads are 100 per cent NSFW.)

That delightful little pocket rocket, Audrey Tautou (Audrey Hepburn Version 2.0)  has just nicked Nicole Kidman's Chanel No. 5 crown. (Nicole probably knows where she lives, or has people that do, so, uh, Audrey, you'd better watch your back.)

Beryl Watson from Tasmania has been announced as the face of Prada's new fragrance, which is as yet unnamed.