fruitybeauty

Why lips dripping with gloss aren't great on your First Day

Josie wondered if her hat was too gangsta
until she saw that her new boss was
wearing an Eminem necklace.

This post is regarding what style of makeup to wear on your first day of a new job.

It's pretty simple really, both the actual makeup and the logic behind it.

You want to look polished. Not like you're the type who will steal stationary/petty cash/entire office desks, or the type who will be less interesting and just as useful than the ink in the fax machine, or the type who will be dancing on the bar in your bra at the Christmas party (although that is kind of fun) just polished.

You also want to send a message that you know you're the shit, you know how to wear makeup, you know how to wear appropriate makeup, and that possibly in a few years, you'll be running the joint. I imagine.

Here's what I recommend.

For foundation, go a semi-matte finish (I say this only so you don't go in with tinted moisturiser and a face of sheen). I will be using Biotherm's Light radiance foundation, which is Rather Excellent (and I don't find it to be drying like a lot of mid-coverage foundations).

Lovely healthy cheeks - ideally during winter, this will be a healthy flush of non-shimmer bronzer and blush. I'll be using the new Estee Lauder Tom Ford Azuree soleil Sunbronzer, which is beautiful and sans glitter and the perfect mesh of warmth and colour.

Fruity's new job jeans

And now, for something completely different.

Sometimes I forget what blogging is about.
I do.

See, the magazine writer side of me feels compelled to give you tips, and products and incredible new ways to apply your mascara so that you walk away feeling compelled and clever and 67% more likely to try gold eyeliner than before clicking onto Fruitybeauty in your favourites bar (because that's where it sits, obviously).

But what I forget is that mostly, mostly blogging is supposed to be about me, the Self-indulgent Blogger, spewing words onto a page about whatever I experienced today that was interesting to me. Because, y'know, after all, blog is merely the words 'web' and 'log' joined together, and all it is meant to be is an online journal, but I just so love telling you all of the practical stuff I learn at The Magazine, that sometimes I forget that just writing about random stuff is nice too.

And why I tell you this is because this week, after three years at One Amazing Magazine, I am changing to a New Amazing Magazine, and I am fully aware that that brings with it a whole new fruit platter of scariness and newness, and the idea of blogging each night on top of this scariness and newness, was starting to terrify me a little, and feel like a Must Do, not an Enjoyable Romp, and as we all know, when blogging starts to feel even remotely like a chore, something is hideously, violently wrong and an intervention, or at least a pre-emptive strike is desperately required.

Look, probably nothing will change.
Honestly.
But I just wanted to flag it so that if I miss a day here, or if my posts become a little shorter that you're used to, it's not because I'm trying to break up with you. It's just that I'll be wearing the job equivalent of a new pair of jeans, and until they start loosening up, and moulding to the shape of my bum, I wanted to have a little safety net in place.

With love and lychees,
Fruity Patooti McSplooti.

Sunday, 8.23 am: Not a time requiring full makeup.

Can we please talk about women who wear full makeup (often teamed with a Dress Tracksuit) to the corner shop on Sundays to grab the papers and milk? Even when it's a soggy, compulsory DVD-viewing day?

Perhaps it's the fact that I choose to wear no makeup, sleep in my eyes, nasty morning breath, no bra, my pajamas (which could easily pass for yoga gear) a hoodie and a beanie and uggboots that it stuns me so, because clearly I treat that trip to the shops as nothing more than an extension of a trip to the loungeroom, only with less roof and walls, but it IS a little silly, right?

I mean, surely the pre-9am papers mission is one time we women can let our true selves shine? Or rather, not shine? One time we can get out the door without a thousand mirror checks and perfect foundation application?

Does Peter the newsagent man really deserve that kind of effort?

Are we that married to our powder and lippie we can't EVER leave the house without them? (I can't throw too many stones here - anytime after 9am I whack on some tinted moisturiser and gloss, but this is a specific situation, fruits. A pre-9am situation.)

Are we THAT likely to run into our ex? (I imagine Murphy, that nasty man, would love nothing more than for that to happen)

Ok, maybe the woman I saw today was off to church after reading the papers.

Or, maybe she was on her way to work, but her clothes were still in the dryer and she was bored waiting and nipped up the road to grab a latte and some light reading material.

Or maybe, maybe I should be saluting her, because after all, if anyone is pro-makeup, surely  it's me?

But generally speaking: How many women need to look immaculate at 8.23 am on a shitty, rainy, revolting Sunday?

Hey, I know you're cold, but that's no excuse to be scaly too

I also know that standing on cold tiles after your shower and putting on body lotion is about as enticing as a warm oyster milkshake.

But there are simple ways to not freeze your kicker off and remain more human, less lizard this winter.

1. Don't even think about using body lotion that isn't in a pump form.

Pumps make everything so much easier. It's one smash of the lid and two appendages sorted. Feels quick; is quick. My favourites are Dove Summer Glow in the MEGA pack (yes, I still like to get the puppies out occasionally in winter and they always look better with a bit of colour) Keihl's Creme de Corps (oooh, how celebrity of me) and Dermalogica intensely hydrating body lotion (serious gear for seriously dry skin.)

2. Kick the lotion habit altogether with a shower cream.

Ah yes, possibly the best invention since gradual tanners, these in-shower moisturisers cleanse thy body as well as moisturising it. And it's not even marketing bullshit - they work, and I'm a tough crowd cause I hate, hate, haaaaate dry post-shower skin.

My top picks, cause I know that's what you want to know now that you're all pumped about this new genre of skin care, are Palmolive (cheap and very good), Biotherm (not so cheap but nice for boys and girls to share) and Crabtree and Evelyn (possibly the winner as they have a stupidly big range that includes excellent ingredients like cranberry and edamame).

3. Three? There is no three. Well I'm sorry! GOD, you're so DEMANDING these days!

*sobs*
*remembers hates these asterisk aside things*
*wonders what else can use to express emotions or actions*
+ these are no good+
< or these >
% these are terrible %
*guess it's back to these*

Two thin, not one thick.

You may have read somewhere once (not here, definitely not here) that if you need to get out the door but NEED to have pretty nails, that one thick coat of polish slapped onto your talons will do the trick.

Fruits, I am here to say that this is an utter falsity, because how can putting a thick, glob of something that already takes time to dry, even when spread thin, be a clever idea?

It can't be.

It's silly and we must all do our best to stop these dreadful lies once and for all.

What should be done, is two very speedy thin layers.

Give each layer 60 seconds to dry and you'll be a lot happier when just fifteen minutes later you need to dig into your handbag for your keys and your polish comes out sans indents. And if you REALLY can't even spare that much time? One opaque polish; one thin coat. This is NOT THE TIME FOR SHEER POLISH.

I used L'Oreal's new version of jet-set quick dry lacquer (it's in a skinny thin bottle) in a blood red the other day in just this situation, and yes, it chipped the next day, but that one thin coat was a nail-saver at the time. Plus, I found the brush to be excellent: Even someone on amphetamines, three red bulls and a triple espresso could've walked away with pretty nails using this brush.

Other clever things you can do to make it look good and dry faster:

Use a fast-drying shiny top coat.
Use a quick-dry drip over the top, ensuring you leave 60 seconds between top coat and doing this.
Do your nails at your desk the day before, and let them dry as you type personal emails and pretend to work.

Victoria Beckham urges public to label her as they please.*

Don't you love those competitions in the paper that let you make up a caption for a photo or cartoon?
You DO?
I thought you would!
We're so alike, you and me.

Well, when I saw this photo of Miss Los Angeles 07, aka Posh Spice, aka Victoria Beckham, I thought it lent itself to such a competition.

She was on the red carpet at the MTV awards on the weekend, but lordy me, don't let that stop your creative milkshake from frothing over the side.

I have to get the ball rolling obviously, so here's mine.

"Elbows pointing directly to the cameras, check. Radio transmitters implanted by Mad Professor Inklestein connecting with camera, check. Transfer of electromagnetic waves of adoration for me into every tabloid magazine and newspaper in America, check. System complete. Disarm elbows."

*May be a lie.

Because fruitybeauty is made from two words, and one doesn't involve cosmetics.

Make an Effort Monday

By refreshing your hair colour tonight.
Oh stop it.
As if you're doing anything other than watching CSI and planting tulip bulbs.

I like to use a wash in, wash out colour refresher. They take a few minutes in the shower and make your hair look gloriously shiny and lovely and totally like you've just been to Cheryl's Hair Trendz and had your $65 semi done. They're great in faded-hair "emergencies" like if you have a wedding to go to, or a saucy date or a board room presentation to a hair care colouring company, who will obviously be checking out your hair. (Probably that last one will be less common.)

I like Goldwell Love Brown (they of course do a red and blonde one too) - which encompasses a shampoo, conditioner/treatment and leave-in fluid thing that also deposits colour but moisturises your hair too. It doesn't stain your hands. It's not tricky or gloves-required-y, or tiles-stain-y, or thinking required-y at all.

Another one I have just discovered is Revlon's one, (yes, they do hair colour, and false nails too. Seriously) which is in a small round bottle and I will need to go home to get the product and tell you the name, because I can't remember it.

As we all know, brunette is The Colour Choice of winter, (shoosh, no arguments, you know it's true) as these three Foxy Friends of Fruity generously illuminate (pun intended) in this rubbish photo I took last Thursday at Sunsilk's launch of their new fashion haircare (Explanation: Akira Isagowa, Bettina Liano and Wayne Cooper have each created flash bottles with a lushly-scented, shine-inducing 'poo and condi.)

PJ's that moisturise. True story.

Mitch Dowd. Remember them?

Big sleep wear company, especially in the men's market, that used to be  huge but then kind of slipped into a pajama selling lull, probably caused because they were so snug in their little matching fleecy sets they forgot to show up at the office once or twice and then decided that as their behaviour was actually in line with their company motto of making excellently comfortable sleep wear so good you never wanted to get out of it into Real Life clothes that, you know, going to the office and stuff seemed way less important than it used to be.

Anyway.
I got sent some of their new stuff, called Zen Sleepwear.
Looks real good, in a Stella McCartney for Adidas way.