fruitybeauty

Drew Covermore

Hear the news?

Drew Barrymore's the new face of CoverGirl cosmetics.

... But hang on, wasn't she, like, with Lancome five minutes ago?

No, she wasn't Sherlock Fruit, although I like your attention to detail. Drew was merely the face of a campaign or two to help out her good mate (and Lancome's international artistic director) Gucci Westman, who even though she has the name of a luxury brand, seems quite laid-back and nice and the type who would pick you up from the airport at 6am if you asked.

Oh. Hey Drew.
Cute dress.

So what does this all mean?

It means that if you break up with your long-term, rock star boyfriend, release a few films and are best friends with Cameron Diaz...  you should be able to land yourself a cosmetics contract!

So GO ON!

Add Cam as a friend on Myspace!
Dump his ass!
Load up some YouTube!
THE WORLD IS YOUR MAKEUP CAMPAIGN.

Some (shiny, new) skin stuff I'm using at the moment.

Maybe you've heard of them, maybe you haven't.

1. Prevage MD.

Oh, how I have fallen for this idebenone, antioxidant wonder product. It makes my skin look very even in tone and texture, it feels soft and well, protected. Plus, it just looks hot, all shiny and silver on my sink. (The bottle, not my face. I am NOT MADE OF STEEL. So let's just put all those rumours to rest right here and now.)

2. Estee Lauder Nutritious night cream, especially the scent thereof.

(Another antioxidant power player.) This delicious pomegranate-based skin care range is not out yet. It will be soon, and when it is, you will know why I love it, and I will speak on it again. Yumyumyum.

Make a nasty pimple disappear. With eyeliner. Seriously.

Oh, DVT, aka Heather Renée Sweet, (already such a rad name, and perfect for burlesque, why would you swap it?), you sure do some pretty face paint...

And fruits, as she's coming to Straya in mere weeks, (and we shall call her Dita Von Straya for this duration) days even, for M.A.C and RAFW, I just wanted to remind you of her excellence in the make-up and hair department, so that you might feel inspired to, you know, up your liner levels, or play with some falsies, or even slip on a kohl beauty spot this weekend for a larf. (I had a friend who used to - and probably still does - morph any "focus pimple" (read: large or unsightly) on her otherwise good-skinned face into a beauty mole  by covering it in browny-black eyeliner before setting out for the day/evening. Genius.)

Revlon Topical Fruit winners! Wheeeeee!

Oooh! I feel like Fruity Claus (less beard; more mascara) being able to award each of these clever little fruits half a G's worth of Revlon's Limited Edition Collection for their make-up inspired band band names!

Before I announce the winning entries can I just touch on my new obsession in this range? Good, I hoped you'd let me. It's Bare It All Lustrous lotion (in peachy tease), which you need to know is:

• Revlon's new Skinlights... because as many of you have alerted me in hysteric tones, SkinLights is gone.
• A beautiful, creamy liquid illuminator, perfect for mixing with foundation for a lovely, J.Lo esque all over glow, or for patting onto cheek bones and under brow bones.
• The stuff I was talking about the other day, Acacia.

But now..  the Topical Fruit winners!

If you're gonna rip off fruity, at least do it well.

Some punk has started a beauty blog on wordpress called fruitybeauty. You can look at it here, if you like: www.fruitybeauty.co.uk

Oh, it be rotten alright, but feel free to go tell faux Fruity that yourself. (Judging by your venom regarding Shiny Minogue below, my fruits are pretty au fait with the comments protocol.)

OH!

On a far less plagiarist and a way more fun note, (it's an F minor, I believe) you can now find Fruity (the real one, not the nasty soy bean substitute) at www.fruitybeauty.com.au as well as the usual fruitybeauty.typepad.com.

I think you'll find that address a lot easier to remember when you're telling your friends how Definitely Excellent a time you have here, and that they should come too, because Fuity sometimes gives away fluffy, microchipped kittens with big blue eyes.

I should be so ssscary.

Forget the bikini line, we got bigger snapper to sautée.

So this is the photo news.com.au used yesterday to visually prove Kyles is looking great and has leaped back onto the Glamour Express, and is riding first class and whoa-gosh-golly-wow doesn't she look sensational??

I will concede that yes, she has had a make-over of sorts and is certainly looking... different to how she looked last week. But I also think her face in this photo is frightening. Very, very frightening: It's too taut, too perfect, too shiny, too creepy.

Do you agree?

Does she not look like the pin-up girl for a Don't Have Too Much Work, Restalyne, Botox or Too Many Peels or This Can Happen To You, brochure?

Or, I am I just being unStrayan at a time when she's making a public confirmation that she has mentally kicked the Frog to the curb, and is simply getting freaky with some hair extensions and a big, bold confident red lip and Fruity of all people should be applauding her?

Chocolate brown hair dye: Actually is red hair dye.

I went to a Schwarzkopf (hard to spell) lunch yesterday where I learned something very interesting that you all might like to know before you go out and dye your hair dark for the woolly wild winter that awaits.

Here's how my thought process went:

... Oh I do like live colour, it's such a good virgin colourist's home hair colour... what about when I used it at 12 when my hair was still naturally lovely and Gemma Ward blonde and then I went and put in that stupid red shade and had rank, pissy orange, uneven hair for most of year seven just because all the popular girls who had mood rings and Kuta Lines jackets and rolled school skirts were dyeing their hair stupid red shades... fool... ohh, that's a nice shade he's showing... Dreamy chocolate... Looks very nice for winter.... what's that he's saying? Any hair dye with the word chocolate in it is red-based? Nooooo... Really? Noooo... but that's CRAZY TALK... Surely it's a true brown! I mean, I've been asking for 'chocolate brown' for years and it's never been red... Oh. He's right. It did always fade to a crap red colour eventually... Ahh, I see, it's that it's a warm tone, and any warm brown tone has to have red in it to be warm...So basically, if I want a non-red brown I should ask for deep brown, or dark brown... Interesting, very interestiOHMYGODTHOSEMENAREBRINGINGOUTCAKE.

A fun new blush trick for you to try.

And I feel like such an ass, because I have seen THAT many make-up artists do this, for years, (because they know it makes your cheek colour stay) and never once tried it at home, but I accidentally did it for a barbecue the other day, (in fact it was the day we celebrated Jesus' ascent) and flying fruit platters was I hooked.

1. Dab on and blend in your creme blush.
2. Blot on some powder blush - with a fluffy blush brush - over the creme blush.
3. Marvel as your sweet new cheeklets look pink and fun ALL DAY.

See, normally I just do creme blush 'cause I love-love-love-want-to-marry that dewy look, but it don't last.

       

The Greatest Most Totally Amazing Life Lesson Ever

To those who have entered the current and utterly marvelous Topical Fruit competition (half a grand's worth of Revlon's new Limited Edition range spells fool if you don't), you're all a pale shade of mad, and I dig your answers.

To those who haven't? Silly. It's not going to be sitting up there come tomorrow so consider this the reminder equivalent to something poignant said by an ageing but impressive college professor (Morgan Freeman, Sean Connery, Robin Williams, Frankie Muniz) said to the brilliant but ill-focused star pupil in one of those super-earnest school movies called something like, The Greatest Most Totally Amazing Life Lesson Ever, right before he's about to throw it all in and go back to working at the bird-cage factory with his Uncle Billy-Bob.

Proof five-year olds shouldn't wear makeup. (Like you needed any.)

I went for a hit of retail fun Saturday, and was very disturbed to see this image outside a major retailer that may or may not be called Target.

Look at that semi-smoky eye makeup!

Those thickly-glossed, lipstick-ed lips!

Those filled-in brows!

That chilling, photoshopped sparkle in her eyes!

It was so creepy I had to show you all, because while little Suzy Bunny here is delirious she's cracked a major Easter egg campaign (pun intended), and Mr & Mr Suzy Bunny are equally thrilled, I just think it's off to have a little girl wearing that much make-up. (And you KNOW that if anyone is, I'm pro-makeup.)

I'm hoping it was all a terrible mistake and that the monkeys behind the scenes accidentally used the make-up brief for 'Tania, 29, new Plum Seduction after five range' on little Suzy Bunny, and somewhere out there is a shot of Tania in her glittery mini dress wearing nothing but a smear of Lip Smackers.