My mate O, she lost half her big toenail, right?
And she's got this wedding on this Saturday, which means she'll be wearing Sensational Footwear, Sensational Open-TOED Footwear. Which means her Rogue Half Nail will be on display.
How do I fix this, she asked me in a faux calm way, her eyes flashing with toe fear.
Easy, I said. Go to a Happy Beautiful Nail salon and ask them to put an acrylic tip over the broken off bit. Then they'll buff it down and with some polish you won't have a clue. And it'll grow out as your nail grows back and as soon as your nail is long enough, you get the acrylic fix-a-nail taken off and all is well.
Um, no, she said. I've just bought this $100 potion to heal it and keep it clean and make it grow, I don't want to put nasty acrylic rubbish over it.
Oh.
I see.
Well then, you'll have to fake it, I said with that pursed lips, eyebrows up business people do when they're a leeetle bit annoyed you didn't go for their first option, which was clearly Definitely Excellent.
How so? She said.
With stick on toe nails. Like the finger ones, only, you know, toes*.
Nooooo, she said. Really?
Really, I said. Buy the Nailene ones, or the Manicare ones. They come in French Polish and they have lots of different sizes so that even wongly-sized toes are catered to.
And how do they go on?
With glue, or adhesive. You just pick the right size toe, and stick it on, and paint it with the same colour as the rest of your toelets.
Wow.
Wow indeeed. Hey, I hope you didn't buy them a toaster.
Pfft! No chance! How lame.
We bought them a bread maker.
* Please refer to my previous post about Toez for more on this topic.
