Oh yeah, it's SO time to talk about them sweaty, stenchy little pits of the arm, cause flying fig juice, have I had enough of body odour for today. (Bus. Packed. Loud. Hot. Rush hour. Man in "Genuine Versachee" polyester suit seated next to me. Stench so bad and sweat patches so visible the Yarra looked like a godamn puddle in comparison. Sad Fruity. Nasally offended Fruity.)
Okay.
Here's part one of this stinky little saga.
Fruity's first tip for the pits.
If your underarms sweat like a juiced-up body-builder, consider this (pretty revolting) little trick. Stick a Ladies Sanitary Pad (the real thin, new-style ones are best) on the inside underarm seam of your jacket. They are frightfully absorbent, and just the thing to soak up all that salty skin juice. Of course, this gem of a solution works best if you are a lady and thus are not wearing anything with sleeves under the jacket, and have access to said Ladies Sanitary Pad. However, if you are A Man, and you know what a Ladies Sanitary Pad is, and where your lady keeps them, (check the bathroom cupboard or knickers draw. That's if you live together. If you don't live together, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM BOTH THOSE AREAS, PAL), do the jacket trick, or stick one on both inside underarm seams of your business shirt/t-shirt if you have a Big Meeting today, or it's 47 billion degrees, or the humidity rivals Singapoo, or you're a generally sweaty dude.
Hey, I know it's a little creepy, but it's a lot effective. And that pretty much cancels creepy out on this occasion. (Creepy usually wins. He'll be pissed-as.)
