fruitybeauty

Fruity goes all festive. (Different to festy.)

Here's me last year, tending to my festive foliage in preparation for Baby Jesus' Day of Days.

Please note my fetching lipstick.

Many thanks.

Cheat those naughty little nail bars.

With this clever little bottle of goo.

Robbie, Robbie, he's our man...

If he can't do it, no man can.

I've just come home from seeing Robbie Williams perform at Aussie Stadium. Wasn't a huge fan; didn't really understand the whole obsession, but now, NOW I get it.

He's the proverbial Bad Boy... Only with a tinge of camp and a smile that would melt even the iciest Greek mama.

Makes silly faces.
Does rude movements.
Swears.
Hints at sex a lot.

If he's a pop culture deity, then I'm a believer. Sign me up, Father.

Are you too, smitten?
No one will know, if it's never written.

*Falls asleep at laptop.*

*Drools.*

*Ruins keyboard.*

Marcia Braidy.

I would've LOVED to have posted a Definitely Excellent Product Review, like I usually do on Fruity's Filmy Friday, but my phone is being very naughty and refuses to play ball. I may have to throw it at a hard surface to get it to behave, that seems to work in the movies.

Anyway. With no filming device, I fooled 'round with my hair instead.

And, as you can see, kind of got the braid thing sorted. A little bit. All if did was start plaiting a side fringe section, than take bits from underneath as I plaited each weave. Then i did the same going back on the other side of the part. Then I ruffled up the back and shoved it in a loose bun thingy.

Uh, no shit, say the Kids Who Can Braid.

Hey, shut it.

I'm pretty stoked with what I managed. Even if it is kind of wongly. I mean check that smile. That's the rizzeal dizzeal.

I never learnt to braid.

I was never one of those girls at netball with braids snaking down my skull, like some form of futuristic concubine. I had a sloppy, fat, loose plait, that was either done by mum three minutes before I had to catch the bus ("Mum, TIGHTER! Pull it tight! GOSH!"), or that I'd tried to braid myself but sucked at real bad.

Sometimes my friend, Sarah Parsons, would do it for me, but mostly, i went sans braids.

Point: I still want to know how to braid.

Why: I saw The Coolest Bird yesterday, and she had a fat, fluffy braid sneaking across her fringe, and down behind her ear. She then had a whole jungle of crazy brown curls going on, all cheersing eachother and smiling and commenting on how perfectly formed they were today. It was unreal. I wanted.

What you need to do: Re-embrace the braid. Make it work into your Grown Up Life. Do one going back from the front of your face, starting the part was over near your opposite ear, then lead it along and around as far as you can. Muss up the rest of your mop by using a comb to tease it, then shove it into a messy, kooky little bun. Make sure it looks day old, as though you played netball yesterday, then slept on it.

Am I kidding; braids are for babies: No, I'm not. Okay, know what? If, unlike me, you CAN braid, re-familiarise yourself with braiding this weekend. Just see how it feels. Then get a bit bolder and progress to doing it at work. Girls will be impressed. And boys will lose it when they see your foxy little hair weave. Trust me on this one.

Here's some inspiration:

Also: If you can braid, please TELL ME HOW YOU DO IT.

If she could turn back time...

*Thank you to E for le pic.



I'm pretty sure that in five years, Ashley, aka The Girl Who Was My Fashion & Hair Icon But Is REALLY PUSHING My Congeniality To The Limits Now, will look at this image and think, 'Wow. Maybe emulating Cher in her dance-in-a-navy-ship-in-a-frightful-mesh-get-up wasn't such a great idea.'

But maybe she won't, too. Who can say.

"I can."

Oh look, it's Ashley Olsen!

*Applause*

"Choo saying about my threads?"

Wow, you're so much harder than everyone makes out. Or is this all to match your wild new goth chic phase?

"Damn Skippy. What's your beef, rotten fruit girl?"

Ouch, I deserved that. Okay, well, you know, I was just wondering why you've gone all strange and Elvira and black and weird all of a sudden? Are you training to be a witch?"

"Um, I'm experimenting. Heard of it?"

Sure, but, I mean, your hair... it's, well, don't you think, or didn't your obscenely priced celebrity hairdresser think, that the shade was maybe a little too dark for your skintone?

"I like it."

Well, okay. I guess it's just that when you add the dark mop with the red lips and the pale skin and the Fisherman's Friend frock, you kind of get a bit of a... um...

"What. Say it. I can take it."

I love that you're brave. That's why you are my icon. Were my icon.

"SAY IT"

Well, you kind of look Not Great. One "big" positive is that your cleavage is out of sight! Man! Are you on the pill, Mount Everbreast?

"What?"

I suppose what i'm trying to say is for the first time, your sister has thieved the spotlight.

"Nu-uh."

Um, she kind of has. She's playing cute goth. You're doing sleazy goth. Or... witch chic.... Face it, Ash, it's MK's time to shine.

"Is NOT! Is not, is not, is not! That's it, I'm telling mum. Mary-Kate is supposed to be the Bag Lady, and i'm supposed to be the Glamourous One! WE HAD A CONTRACT!"

*Runs off in tears*

Ashley, Ashley, come back!

Damn. She was pissed. GREAT. Now she'll probably put a spell on me.

*Turns into a strawberry.*

Nyeh. At least she was appropriate in her witchcraft.

*Nibbles on self.*

*Not sure how.*

Hey there, blimpy girl.

A trick I just learnt from one of those mental nutritionisty people who can say no to a muffin at 8.36am, or a packet of M&M's at 11.12am, or a Dorito and Twisties sandwich at 3.56pm, without batting a sugar/wheat/fun-free eyelid.

You know how you're supposed to eat eight glasses of water a day?
Leaves your belly kind of, uh, bloated, huh.



*Serving suggestion.

Weeeell, if you aim to drink at least SIX of them before 11am, you won't get have to watch as your previously-very-slimming pencil skirt becomes a big neon sign advertising that you have somehow become four months pregnant since yesterday.

And that, fruits, is a cup of watery information I think is a whole lot of fun to know.

Kindest,
Bloaty McBloaty.

All aboard, or are y'all bored?

Opinion: Something you should always give so that people understand that your perspective is the best, and probably, definitely the only one they should listen to. Ever.

Now you try it: Do celebrity spokesmodels still make you want to buy stuff? I ask because a Huge Brand That Shall Remain Nameless yesterday revealed a pretty stunning new line (Not out till April. Annoying.) that features no famous people at all. Not even Matt Damon.

So I wondered, have celebs finally had their endorsement day? Are we off them? Do they still engage us? Or are we ready for the Supermodel Invasion, Version 2.0?

And now for a highly ineffective visual prompt...

Does Julia Stegner, catwalk megastar, make you want to spend the paper...

Or does the super-flashy celebrity angle still float your boat?

You know what I mean.
Now talk to me, fruits.

Concealer Tricks You Should Do Tomorrow.

This is Michael Brown. He's a Makeup Hero for Lancome.

He looks very serious here, but he's really nice and funny, and wouldn't at all poke your eyes out with a shadow brush for blinking while he applied your liner, although you could be forgiven for thinking so looking at his serious and mildly frightful facial expression. (For the record, he didn't want me to use this shot. Yeah, I'm nice like that.)

So I asked him for his best concealer tricks. He said 'Wear a balaclava'. We laughed. I may have even slapped his back in a friendly fashion, the way friends do sometimes. Then i asked him again, with a fierce look in my eyes. Oh yeah, he got it.

Here is part one of Michael's Concealing Wizardry Course.

1.  Apply concealer after foundation. Apart from being more economical as you use less product, the concealer will blend easier into foundation leaving no edges.

In other words: Concealer as underpants; foundation as clothing.

2. To cover imperfections (blemishes/Dark shadows) on the skin you should use press and roll type motions as that will layer the product by building up a coverage. Sweeping motions will thin out the product.

Wow, nice shade of blue, Michael. Oh, that was me. Nevermind. Carry on.

3. Always use a concealer around the eye area rather than a foundation, as the concealer (preferably a lancome one as they are made for the eye) should have a more oil based texture for the eye, making it less cakey and looking smoother. Foundations being more a lightweight texture tend to be more flexible and can move into the curves of the eye! Concealer stays put!

I like his use of exclamation marks. He loves his job. He is a good little banana.


Okay. Go home and learn your new trickery now, fruits.
More concealer tips from Mikey Mike and The Makeup Bunch as they come to face.

Post fruit bowl: One Lancome concealer Michael and I both agree is Definitely Excellent: Effarcernes Longue Tenue Concealer. Superb for under the eye.

Hybrid bronzers. Hybrid blush. WHATEVER.

Still carrying 'round a blush, a bronzer and an illuminator in that crazy-heavy handbag of yours?
Girl, you loco.

Get a hybrid compact and feel the power of super clever makeup wash over you.
(Make sure it's not rain disguised as power. It'll ruin your blowdry. Make your mascara run. )