Count Pamela

So she's never been known for great makeup.

But I did hear, back in '96 I think it was, that she was known for having at least one mirror in her home. It was a nice one I believe: black, cast iron, attached to her bedroom ceiling.

And yet, it seems she hasn't been using it.

This is Pam at the launch of the Season 1&2 Baywatch DVDs last night. Maybe she thought it was Halloween attire. Who knows.

What I know is this: Her eye shadow is about as blended as the boys and girls at a year 6 dance. Her lipstick appears to have a dire, urgent need to speak with her nose, chin and cheeks (probably about where the other half of her eyebrows have gone.) And her false lashes look like false lashes (kind of not the point).

On a positive note: She has done a decent job with her blush and base.

On a negative note: No one will notice her good work, because they'll be too busy looking at the TOTALLY ILLEGAL combination of heavy, unblended eye shadow and bright, applied-like-a-drunk lipstick. And wondering if it's inappropriate to lend her their compact so she can see how naystee she looks.

On a way to help her look less like a street walker: Remove at least half of the eye shadow. Remove all of the lipstick and replace with a nude gloss. Remove at least half of the silicon breast implants. Add clothes.