fruitybeauty

The reason your hair still waves and kinks inappropriately after using your ghd...

Is simple.

I figured it out  while watching the very awesome Brad Ngata perfectly straighten the luscious locks of my delightful and stylish beauty editor (Yazmo) the other day. And I had that light bulb moment, that really delayed one considering my job, and realised every hair stylist does it when straightening hair. All of them. And yet, even after seeing it roughly 1563 times, I still wasn't doing what they did when using my ghd at home. And my hair was always curling at the ends, or mischievously throwing in kinks here and there. It never looked as perfect as when they did it in salon. 

And here's why.You have to first comb the section of hair you're straightening. Comb the section with a fine-toothed comb, and then follow immediately after with your styler/irons. The combing, obviously, gets rid of all knots and smoothes the hair making life really easy and fun and enjoyable for the styler/iron to glide through without a care in the world. The result is smooth, dead-straight hair and no naughty waves or curling up at the ends.

Of course, using a Definitely Excellent thermal protector before you style your mop helps your cause, too. A lot. Oh come on now. You know my thoughts on this. It's Kerastase Ciment Thermique. As for my thoughts on a fine-toothed comb? They extend as far as that chemist on Bondi road and the $4 comb bucket.

Just pray the chemist is open later than 8pm.

I had a photo taken for a magazine last week*, and the night before I realised my hair was kind of red and faded and shit.

SO! What did I do?

Use a black or blue biro only, your time starts now.

I:

A. Shrugged and went back to my balloon shape-making.
B. Ducked up to the chemist on Bondi road and bought a Napro Live colour in an unassuming brown shade.
C. Made a mixture of crumbled brown mascara and water, and poured it through my hair.
D. Canceled the photo shoot and booked in a game of golf instead, seeing as though I'd already told my boss I'd be in late.

If you chose A you are correct. However, as the question was not: How do I respond to my flatmate telling me she has just sold all of my belongings so that could get a new spoiler, some subwoofers and a metallic 'Violent Violet' finish for her 1995 Excel, you're in the wrong quiz.

The answer is of course B. Cause MAN, I'd forgotten how easy these little packets of brown goo were! Not wanting to disrupt my real Life Colourist's work, I just left it in for five minutes, and that was enough for a refreshed colour and lots of shine.

Point: Cheap. Quick. Easy to find. Great for emergency weddings/dates/job interviews etc when you haven't had time to get to your colourist for a semi, EVEN if you're a totally sophisticated grown up and you don't use Packet Hair Colour, thank you very much.

*The photo was for a little story on my novel, which I will joyously reveal to you is called Air Kisses, and is on sale June 30 and is about four women living in NYC, one who is a lawyer, one who is a PR mogul, one who works at an art gallery and one who is a sex columnist. It's going to be unlike ANYTHING you've ever read or seen before.)

See? Just look how awesome and natural my new colour is.

Slick as a rat with a gold tooth.

You know how you see those looks on the catwalk where the model has super mega perfect slick hair (see visual aid) and then you try it at home and your hair's all like, 'Oh, riiiight, so you spend the last three months trying to rootlift and boost me and glamorously curl me, and now, NOW you thunder in with your fancy paddle brush and want me to lie down flat and flyaway free and smooth as if, as if, I'm some kind of TOY that you can manipulate whenever the mood STRIKES you? Well SCREW YOU, sunshine' or something to that effect, all dramatic and disobedienty like? Well, I met a hairstylist last week who under gunpoint revealed to me who it's done, how the backstage genius hair squad do it; how YOU can do it.

It's kind of simple. Forget styling it and hairspraying and hairspraying and then hairspraying it some more it into place like some form of eco-oblivious fool. Cause that's what I was doing and believe me, I have completely forgotten it. No, the trick is to mix styling wax and straightening balm in your hands, and then comb it through the hair before styling it into a minxy little side part pony, or centre part bun. Delicious with an evening gown and beautiful with a cocktail number and hot with a tuxedo jacket.

She, the anonymous hair secret-revealer, mentioned that they usually comb it through with a tint brush, as if applying a colour to the hair, but probably we don't have time for that, so we'll just do it with a finetooth comb and cheat, won't we? Yes. Yes, we will.

Makeup? Me? Please: Obviously I A) just woke up and B) sat by my open fire for a moment.

This is LisaNova. Big deal on SpewTube and with good reason: she's a funny, funny girl. Destined for SNL.
But then! Today I see her latest clip (in the top ten most viewed, as usual) and gone is the ponytail! Gone is the t-shirt! It's just her looking all seductive and rumpled. (Interestingly her usual fans responded with fear, shock and rage at the sexy new Lisa. I must admit the glimpses of cleavage and bare shoulder teamed with the limp attempts to pull up her cardigan seemed sliiiightly contrived. But she's funny and has good hair, so who cares.)

This is the kind of intensely styled, I Just Woke Up But Definitely Don't Have Bad Breath or Sleep in My Eyes, look makeup artists, hair stylists and fashion designers flog happily each season, both in their shows and campaigns. (Cue Country Road's latest campaign.) I am a big fan. Especially in Winter.

Incidentally this is not a funny video. The whole point is that she's creating a new channel because she's now trying vlogging, as well as her regular skits. BUT. That's not the point, you don't even need to put the sound up or listen to a word she says: just focus on the makeup and hair, fruits.

Key points of interest if you would like to try this look. (If you are a Calvin Klein model, probably you don't need to read this as this is your natural state.)

Messy, texturised hair. Achieve this by using root lifter and a LOT of spray in texturiser/sea salt spray on damp hair, then blow drying with a big round brush, pulling the hair up and out for lift, and then down and forward to get the face-framing thing happening. Go a centre part, of course. Get it 90% dry then go to bed. Wake up, ghd the front bits and any cowlicks into place (again, pulling down and forward so it frames the face) and scrunch and texturise the mid-lengths to the ends with more product. I like L'Oreal Professional's new Play Ball texturiser.

High, flushy blushy cheeks. Please note where her blush is sitting. On the apples. And high. It looks as though she's been sitting in front of a lovely warm fire. (And possibly on a bear skin rug. With a dashing young man. But let's leave that there for now.) Creme blush is best for this look. Bloom, Becca or Bobbi: the choice is yours.

No mascara, or very little. Makes you look younger and fresher. (Seriously.) Curl lashes, though so your eyes are opened up.

Nudey/pinky lip gloss. I'm enjoying VIP Gloss by Benefit for this at present.

Falling down cardigan, flirtatious voice and come hither eyes optional extras.

Gwynny and The New Hair Length.

For a few weeks, I've been banging onto anyone who'll listen that shoulder-length-ish is the New Length. Look at Madonna! Kate Moss! And now, Gwynny! A woman who has had the same, long hair since The Sliding Doors crop that was the Pob of its day.

Reasons why it's so lovely and desirable, and not at all a 'nothing length', and why it is especially great for those who have long hair and who have possibly been trapped in the Same Hair Vortex since year 9: It takes you from 'girly-pretty, to womanly-pretty' instantly, it's chic, it makes your hair look healthier and thicker, your hair has bounce all of a sudden and generally, your whole look becomes fresher.

The cowlick trick

Gucci A/W 08

I love my hair parted in the middle best, right, cause it's all pretty and fresh and so now, but unfortunately for my current visual preference, my hair likes to not be parted in the middle best.

If my hair had its way, it would have the hair around my hairline pointing entirely vertically, or perhaps flat over my eyes, or maybe just shit and stupid and nothing and dumb and curly and flat-looking, like it does when the STUPID humidity in this RIDICULOUS city envelopes it right when it's not supposed to, like this morning, for instance, when I was having my author's photo taken for the jacket of my novel.*

But here's how I saved the day (Superman would be so pissed I use that term so frivolously when he literally does save the day) when my fringey bits were starting to curl and go stupid. (Technical term: Bad Hair Day; often caused by too much product, no product, or the wrong product.) With no hair tools or product at hand, in a park, with slight drizzle. I simply flipped my part over to the irregular side of my forehead, that is, the side I never, ever part it, because it looks wrong and is going against roughly 456 cowlicks and some very aggressive curls, and held it there for as long as possible. Then, I shook out my hair, parted it in the middle, and it lo and behold, it behaved. It always does, when I do this. Whether I'm at my desk or getting ready to go out or playing a little banjo on the porch,  the reverse part move is a splendid little trick for those with curls or cowlicks or both, who have a love affair with the centre part.

* More, so much more, on this later. For now, all I will say is that it's out June 30, and that it's probably going to be the best book you've ever read in your whole entire life, even if you've read The Notebook, (sobby) Eat, Pray, Love (laughy), Where The Wild Things Are (scary) and The Bronze Horseman (heartbreaky).

When bad (hair) things happen to good people.

I love So You Think You Can Dance. A lot. (The Boogaloo two were my favourite last night.Go Demi, you little pocket rocket.)

I also love Natalie Bassingthwaighte, despite having to google how to spell that insane last name. She's adorable. Cute, warm, funny, well-styled in the threads department and always experimenting with different makeup looks! (Incidentally, I thought the makeup on the show was really quite excellent last night. Wonder what they're using...)

One minute she's all red lip and a slash of shimmer on the lids; the next is a smoky ice blue effect with nude lips. And her hair! Such a delicious cut. Love it short. Makes her so fresh, and stylish and chic. Makes me want to be her friend, and sit over a chai latte and talk about how she gets her curls to sit just so.

And then, then there was last night, and the cemented '70s rollergirl effect someone had cruelly  spilled all over her usually lovely haircut.  Apologies if you missed the show, but basically, there was faaaar too much volume underneath, and not enough on top (although had she patted down and loosened up the bulk of her hair, the flatness on top wouldn't have even registered.) But the main issue, as even Boyfriend noticed, was that those lovely masses of perfectly coloured curls Did. Not. Move. It was a turbo Farrah Fawcett, sans movement.

It kind of looked like the stylist should've done her hair at 3 p.m and then said with a smile, 'Don't you worry  your pretty little head about the fact that you kind of look like Jennifer Lopez in that pink dress at the Oscars a few years back, Nat. It'll drop in a few hours and will look really lovely and natural' ... except that her hair was done ten minutes before Natalie went on, and the drop time occurred when she was already tucked up in bed.

I'm absolutely not picking on ol' mate Nat, (how will I ever be invited for tea and tonging techniques if I do that?). But her hairstylist does need a good talking to about 'natural movement' and 'using less hairspray'.

You're being punished for being good.

With sweaty, lank hair post spin class.
That's me anyway. And actually, it's called RPM.
Whatever, my hair still looks just as rank post class, whatever the technical term for getting smashed on a bike is.

There's a whole lotta stories I have about Beauty and the Gym, but all I want to help you with today is hair.

Some tips to keep the whole business under three minutes:

Before you start, pop your hair up loosely, so as not to ruin the 'style' you've got going. This is especially crucial for curly hair fruits, or nicely blow-dried fruits. Too tight will wreck things. Fix loose annoying or fringey bits with bobby pins, and always, always have surplus amounts of both elastics and these wily little devils in your gym bag, cause doing RPM with your hair down when it's at all long BITES (if unintentional... If intentional, it's just silly and attention-seeking, like girls who wear high heels on an international flight.)

When you've showered, crack out the dry shampoo. Which will be in your gym bag. Batiste or Klorane, probably. You bought it from the chemist, remember? See how the other girls in the changeroom envy you with your shiny can of magical dust. Clever you.

Spray the dry shampoo around your hairline and quickly along the scalp and then blast your hair with a blow dryer on high heat. You shouldn't need a brush, unless you're a fringey fruit, in which case pack a smallish barrel brush (ceramic or tourmaline are best) and style that baby down. If you're a curly fruit, feel free to skip the blow dryer part. It'll go all fluffy and wack, but you already knew that.

You've just worked out, you deserve to look pretty, and now you do.

Like this girl! Except sadly her hairstyle will be ruined, cause she wore her ponytail too tight. (Let's not talk about her makeup. This is not the time to talk about her makeup.) But maybe she won't care cause she's only going home to eat chicken stir fry in her gym gear and watch Summer Heights High and maybe do some laundry.

Uh, I'm down here.

Few of my friends and I were discussing this tonight, during the ad breaks for Entourage.

How strange is it when your hairdresser looks at her/himself in the mirror constantly when they're doing your hair? And not at your face, but theirs.

They look at themselves when they speak to you, when you speak to them, when no one is speaking... and some of them play with their own hair as they look into the mirror. As in, every time there is an even remotely sizeable chunk of non-foiling/snipping/painting, and their hands are glove free. Especially if they've just had their hair done.

I once had a lovely girl blow dry my hair who had just that day switched from blonde to red head and she was mesmerised with her new look. To the point where it was thieving time from my blow dry. I imagine in that scenario I'd be exactly the same, but it was still fascinating for me to watch.

I mean, I can understand when they look at your face when you chat. You're not going to swivel to look at them every time are you? No, because your blow dry will never get finished or you'll end up with non-intentional, non-fashion forward and non-ironic uneven hair. And so it kind of makes sense to connect visually through the mirror. But when they're looking at themselves in the mirror, repeatedly, it begins to becomes a little bit odd. Right? Or is it just me being infantile again?

Look, just like Jenny Lopez not discussing her startlingly, violently obvious possible pregnancy, I'm sure there's a reason behind the mirror business.

The fact that these guys stare at a room full of mirrors all day probably means they are immune to them, and you know, just do it out of hairdressy habit.

Of course, if anyone 'in the biz' can shed some light, I would be very grateful. I love logical explanations. (Especially those concerning things like why prawns insist on swimming backwards.)

Amanda Bynes' hair and makeup people: Making her look bad then escaping out the back door.

There is a lot I could say about the choices made by Amanda Bynes' hair and makeup people before the US Hairspray premiere last night.

A lot.

I could make references to the fact as she's not about to pose in crotchless panties in People magazine there is no need for that kind of tacky, porno, sparkly eye/sparkly lip, trashy, far-too-much-liner-in-use painted doll look.

I could also possibly suggest that skin as young and plump as hers doesn't need one tenth of the amount of makeup she's got on, expecially not in those proportions (read: lots, everywhere.)

I may hint that while her tan is probably real, and therefore accurate shade-wise, it may make her look cheap when she complements it with cleavage, cascading extensions and That Makeup.

And finally, I could imply that her hair, which has been bleached and extended and tonged and flicked to within a Pamela-Anderson of its life, may benefit from being less blonde, and shorter and more, well, how she used to have it when she was cute and funny and clever on her own TV show.

But I don't need to say aaaany of that.
They know what they're doing, right?