fruitybeauty

My belly button is in, but my BOOK IS OUT!

I've waited a loooong time to be able to post this.
Like, 912 days.

My first book, Air Kisses, is now officially on sale.
Like, in book shops and available to buy! IN PROPER BOOK SHOPS! WITH PROPER BOOKS!

She wasn't meant to be in the shops until Monday, but a friend alerted me today that she was in Borders, sitting pretty in their new releases section, with her fancy new friends James Patterson and  Geraldine Brooks and Lauren Weisberger.

So as soon as I finished work, I screamed into the nearest Borders to see for myself. Fruits, it was such a magical, strange, overwhelming moment. Kind of like seeing an old friend in a small cafe in deepest Turkmenistan.

I was all hans solo, I asked the nice girl packing books a few rows up if she could, uh, you know, takeaphotoofmewithmybookplease.

She gave me this funny look, and then she asked if that was my book, and I nodded and then she smiled and then she got it and she smiled some more and she took this photo.

Now, I'm not going to ask you to buy it (although you totally, absolutely should, and probably several copies too), I'm just being a good friend and letting you know the best book you've never read is now available to you.

And! I have a website now, too.
It features pirates and parrots.

All that's really left to say now is... wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Marinating Mangoes - it's Christmas!

From "all of us" here at Fruitybeauty, may each and every fruit enjoy a happy, peaceful, relaxing, genuinely enjoyable Christmas break, and the kind of dizzyingly wonderful year that makes you melt with joy, satisfaction and fulfillment this time next year.

Before I go wrap 6, 345 presents, may I suggest you don a lovely frock and some fetching red lipstick (Festive Chic) on Baby Jesus' Day of Days?

I love to do this. Any dress will do, it's the lipstick that counts because it says, "I made an effort for my family whom I love very much and who will probably enjoy my gifts more than anyone else's". (Plus, you know there's going to be many a freshly-unwrapped Canon preying on you as you tuck into Nanna Shirley's liquor-soaked pudding, so you may as well look back on the photos fondly.)

And don't give me that 'No one else dresses up at our place,' business. Just because your Uncle Terry wears an eight day-growth, a Slazenger polo, double pluggers and Hot Tuna boardshorts he was given by his ex-wife Lynette - who ran off with that creepy guy who owned the newsagency - in 1993, that doesn't mean you can't look utterly exceptional.

All the very best, fruits.

Love,

Beauty Claus.

xo

 

HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?

Fruitybeauty turned one, and Fruity herself FORGOT TO CELEBRATE IT.

What a BITCH I am.
Unbelievable.

It was back on September 15, and lord knows what I was doing that day that made me completely forget, but it was probably saving small furry animals from extinction, or building much-needed schools in third world countries. Probably.

Anyway, here's to my bloggy baby's Day of Days.

Happy 1st birthday you fruit-filled little ragamuffin!
Hooray to you!
All the best!
Bumchicawowow!
And other happy little expressions.

And in lieu of this special and wonderful moment, and all of the fascinating and enlightening and money-saving (and, uh, money-spending) beauty tips you have learned, and how much better you feel about yourself for wearing sunscreen every, single, day, now, let us reflect on the very first fruity post and let us laugh at how amateurish and silly it is, and then smile because as we all know, nothing has changed.

No beef with checking the teeth

I had a tasty Japanese beef dish yesterday for lunch. It was called something I will never be able to pronounce, or even remember, but as I have an index finger, and they have visual menus, I should be okay.

This place I ate said beef, it was covered in mirrors. So we have Long sushi trains with stools enclaved between enormous, floor to roof mirrors. And then we have lots of sweet, smily, ebony-haired girls ready to drop Waterford to be at my side when I decide to lash out and order that green tea after all. I like these girls. Not only are they exuberant and fastidious in their customer service, but they care about their appearance, even though they have to wear black pants and a red t-shirt and dull flat rubber shoes.

Double the life of your pailnolish.

Which is what I called nailpolish when I was small, and probably not even five and a half, and not very worldy and apparently not listening closely enough to what my mother was saying.

Now, I understand that not all of you have a YouTube account, and can't view my videos. (Still using pigeons to send your mail, too?)

So, I'm repeating one of My Juiciest Beauty Tips, which the True Fruits will have seen wedged in one of my Definitely Excellent Product reviews. I was asked about this TWICE today, and so felt it worth repeating. So shut UP, smartasses who already know it. IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU.

If you want your nailpolish to last, paint your talons with a high-shine top coat every second day.

It's so simple! Quick! Fun! Almost! And, it will double the life of your little toe and fingynail polish.

Fruity's pick: Sally Hansen's Mega Shine. The thing about this one is that it's very thick and sooooper shiny, (the name kind of hints as such) so once you've painted it on even week-old polish, you look like you've "Just stepped out a salon."

Which is nice, I think.

It's getting lots of hype.

This Dove ad, that is.

I work at A Women's Magazine and even I was a little bit gobsmacky.

Boy on plane wears SK-II mask in front of everyone.

It's late, I'm at Singapoo airport and despite three cups of Milo, I am a tired little monkey. (What? Hot milk at midnight makes you sleepy? Stop it.)

BUT. I had to post this:

It's a very naughty-almost-got-caughty photo of the boy sitting in front of me on my flight from Bangkok (fricken HATE that new airport - it tried to kill me and Boyfriend - seriously - but more on that later) and he was wearing an SK-II cloth mask*.

In full view of his friends.
And the whole plane.
And he DID NOT CARE.

And i love that shit, because i am a beauty editor, and i tell people i do that kind of stuff all the time, but i actually don't. Unless the cabin lights are out and it's the middle of the night. Too scary for day time. And too embarrassing. And the toddlers and the elderly will have nightmares.

And i also love it, because the only other time you see people wearing these in public is in backstage photos of fashion shows when the models faces are puffy cause it's 6am, or dry from too much makeup over successive days, or yucky cause they smoke too much, and the makeup artists makes them wear one for ten minutes before they apply their makeup for an instant glow.

And God love him, when he took his off, he MASSAGED THE REMAINING PRODUCT INTO HIS FACE, like the instructions say too.

He wins my newly made-up, just-this-second-in-fact, award for being a Beauty Renegade.
Well done, champ. And sorry for being creepy and taking a photo of you on a plane.

* Kind of looks like a certain fictional serial killers hockey mask, only it's less for hiding your face after you've committed brutal murders, and more about hydrating and renewing and brightening your skin. Excellent for flights, before, during if you're brave like this kid, and after.