fruitybeauty

Why grooming of glamour only if to just party? Why indeed.

It's hard to look human/decent/alive when you get off an all night, red-light flight, because chances are you are not Erica Baxter-Packer and thus do not have access to a private jet, and as such, you have spent the last (insert amount) of hours with your head pressed against your right elbow/a pissy airline pillow/your fellow passenger's (now) drool-covered shoulder, but now it's thirteen minutes to tarmac time, and you're being picked up by Your Fella, and you kind of want to look a little bit fresher than you do currently, which is one fruit fly short of a rotten banana. Not 'amazing', not 'hot', just fresh.

Quick smart, grab your bag, we don't have much time.

Rub rosehip oil or face cream all over your (obviously makeup free) face.
Dab in eye cream. (I like Prevage eye)
Apply some tinted moisturiser, cause it'll have some glow, and because foundation is too much effort for 6.55am.(I like DuWop revolution)
Do the bronzer trick as per below, or dab on some creme blush onto the apples of your cheeks. (I like Bloom in coy)
Use creamy concealer under eyes and around the nose. (I like Stila undereye concealer)
Use two eye drops per eye.
Apply stupidly shiny gloss to attract all attention away from bleary eyes. (I like Clinique Superbalm)
Apply some deodorant, you little stinker.

It LOOKS like a long list, but it takes around two minutes, and you don't really even need a mirror. This leaves you 11 minutes to wish you'd brushed your pegs before the descent, cause holy lychee iceblocks, is that breath of yours gon' be naaaaystee.

Speaking of lychee iceblocks, here is probably the most spiritual one you've ever seen. It says 'A wake up call for your spirit', which is a pretty big call for iced confectionery, but I like their optimism.

And here is a t-shirt that has nothing to do with spiritualism, but it was so excellent, I had to share with you anyway.

It says: Glamorama. Why grooming of glamour only if to just party? Once in a while oreate drama in your love dress up star basin to the him. You become attention of people.

I think there's something in there for all of us.

Date night makeup when you've been out shaking it the night before.

Trish Fruit says:

I'm super-tired as I had a hen's night last night... Anyway, tonight is date night and my eyes look like two peas!

What, oh wise one, can I do?

Fruity B, from the Pea Eye Response Unit says:

Trish, I like that you called me wise. Ok. Here's what you're gonna do....

Put rosehip oil all over face and massage in.

Put eye cream in freezer.

Apply eye cream once it cold.

Tap tap tap your index and middle finger up and down the bone under your eye for 60 seconds per eye.

Gently half-pinch the skin along bone for same amount time.

Use a yellow based concealer on dark circles and then concealer (mix bit with foundation so it not cakey)

Use sheer, shimmery purple eye shadow and curl lashes.

Use white on inner V of eye if you’re capable or can be assed.

Apply black mascara top lashes only.

Dewy cheeks - use cheek creme and apply more on the apples, less on the bone.

Apply illuminator on your cheekbones and brow bones.

Super glossy lips.

Lots of loose, bedhead hair.

Look at yourself with sexy, Beyonce-filmclip eyes in the mirror and say: "I am hot. I look fresh and feel sexy and clever. This guy is some kind of fool if he can't see that. He should feel grateful he scored a date with me in the first place. DAMN my ass looks hot in these jeans."

The Greatest Most Totally Amazing Life Lesson Ever

To those who have entered the current and utterly marvelous Topical Fruit competition (half a grand's worth of Revlon's new Limited Edition range spells fool if you don't), you're all a pale shade of mad, and I dig your answers.

To those who haven't? Silly. It's not going to be sitting up there come tomorrow so consider this the reminder equivalent to something poignant said by an ageing but impressive college professor (Morgan Freeman, Sean Connery, Robin Williams, Frankie Muniz) said to the brilliant but ill-focused star pupil in one of those super-earnest school movies called something like, The Greatest Most Totally Amazing Life Lesson Ever, right before he's about to throw it all in and go back to working at the bird-cage factory with his Uncle Billy-Bob.

How to get dewy and curly and stuff.

Even though my Extremely Professional Definitely Excellent Videos are black and white, and therefore, I think, mostly invisible, a few fruits have noticed some things they'd like answers to.

Carlie Fruit asks: What foundation do you wear for that dewy finish?
Fruity says: A blend of the first tinted moisturiser I see, Lancome teinte idol foundation and Pout Illuminator in Afterglow, all applied with a foundation brush. BUT: I've been getting the same light-throwy effect with much less work using Bobbi Brown's new hydrating foundation. So, so good.

Bradshaw and Sunny Fruit asks: How do you get your hair all curly like that?

Fruity says: It's easy for me, cause 'tis merely my natural curl, but pimped-out. What I do, is wash it in the evening. Apply a de-frizzing curl creme (currently feeling a lot of appreciation and elation and satisfaction from Redken's brilliant new Fresh Curl range, below) and then let it air dry, occasionally scrunching it up for fun. The next morning, it's a whole lot of scary: Kind of imagine Courtney Love and Bruce Willis pashing on. Oh, hang on - THEY DID.

So, I apply a heat-styling protectant (not my sweetiepie Kerastase - I use that for non-overnight curl bonanzas) and then a curl-enhancing scrunching spray . Then I tong. I tong like a madwoman, randomly and only on the last few inches of the hair so they behave. I use BabyLissPro SilverBullet mega-large barrel tong, which I reckon are the ghd of curling. The roots can stay freaky, I don't mind. After years of straightening, they're quite enjoying cutting loose. And that's it. A bit of finishing spray on the tonged bits for good measure and Curly Sue can head off to school.

Jemima Fruit asks: How many teeth do mosquitoes have?

Fruity says: Around 48, give or take a few.

Makeup application by reputation

Justine Fruit asks: Hi! Just wondering if there is a brand of makeup which has a good reputation of makeup application in Adelaide that you could recommend? Its for my formal :) Thanks.

Fruity answers: Justine Fruit, Yes, yes there is. And Adelaide actually has nothing to do with it, as long as you have shops there. Good ones. Departmenty ones.

But first, a lesson: The best makeup application make up is that which has had its application demonstrated.

When good subscriptions turn bad.

Among other things (I'll get to the hair-straightening bit, promise) Lyndal Fruit writes:

"I have tried unsuccessfully to subscribe to your website. I followed the
instructions and each time it says cannot find subscription. Any words of
advice?"

Damn SKIPPY.

Fruits, I very much apologise if you've gone to all the effort of saying to yourself:

'Hmmm. I see that Subscribe button under that picture of Fruity's mug every day, and yet like a girl with green eyes electing not to wear lilac eyeshadow, I'm failing to utilise what could be marvelous. In fact, why DON'T I subscribe? After all, how wonderful it must be to receive fresh bowls of fruity delivered directly into my inbox each morning so that I never miss out on any crucial beauty information or border-line racist YouTube clips about Beautiful Nail (just one) bars..."

And then, then your naughty subscription hasn't worked!
The HIDE!
The absolute NERVE!

Here's what you do:

1. Subscribe again.
2. See number 1.

Feedback from other fruits tells me it usually works the second time round. (Other feedback includes: Stay blonde; never go blonde again; you should post on Sundays and lern 2 spel befour startng a blog.)

Of course, if even that doesn't work, email me and I'll delete your email account entirely so that you get a fresh slate.

Because there's no reason in this woolly wide world you shouldn't be subscribed to fruitybeauty.

(Unless you don't have an email account. Or you're allergic to pineapple. Or you're five years old. But then, I've seen how you lot paint those nails: Don't tell me you don't need help.)

Make An Effort Monday

Ponytails, unless styled properly, are not classified as a hairstyle.

That means you, who combs your hair back and shoves into an elastic.
That means you, who ties in a loose bun and then fluffs some boof out around the front so it looks done-undone.
That means you, who slicks your hair back with water and does a mid-head pony, with no chic part or nanosecond's worth of styling at the back.
That means me, when I've been swimming-or-gymming and can't be assed styling my hair.

But I'm not having a go at you.
I just think that for a few extra minutes, you can make your hair look Rather Adorable.

Add a headband, (the double-banded Grecian number seems to be the go with the kids these days) and a low neat bun.
Do some braids across your forehead, and snake them 'round. (See here)
Do a severe side part, ala Bond Girl.
Master the quiff.
Wrap a scarf around your bun like one of those posh people who sail.
Put in a Marc Jacobs-esque hair ornament, or some slides.
Spray in some dry shampoo and give up the pony altogether for Out Hair.

Alternatively, here's a slick-as little do any fool with a brush, hairspray and some bobby pins can master:

Do a high pony, leaving a smallish section out underneath, and a section in the fringe crown section for a mini-quiff.

At the back, wrap the left-out section around the where the elastic is, and secure it with a bobby pin under the pony.

At the front, backcomb and spray gently the left-out section and then pin back, moulding it until it looks right, and pinning and tucking in bits as you go.

Spray the sides and brush back towards the pony with a paddle brush so it's stupidly slick and neat.

Smile cause you look 56% better than all the other ladies in your office today.

My minx of a friend, Marie, was the inspiration for this post - she whipped her mop up in just this manner Saturday night:

Gosh, what a cutie.

 

Because hormonal breakouts are DULL.

Why acid is so very good for you.

If you get:

A. Ingrown hairs
B: Bumps on the back of your arms and thighs
C. Dry, scaly dragon skin
D. The internet

You may want to read this question from a very agitated little fruit, Sarah:

"I have a question for you that was burning in my mind all through the summer holiday period. I suffer from ingrown hairs on my legs when I shave. I also suffer from itchy legs if I don’t moisturise nightly after shaving. I use such products as Tend skin and Skin Doctors ingrown-go to zap the ingrown problem. But what to do about the itchy? Do I use tend skin and then moisturise? Or do they negate each other? Do I alternate nights? Oh the craziness!"


And the answer? MD Formulations, my dried little fruit, MD Formulations.

Most people "in the beauty biz" (slang for "in the beauty business") know how amazing this gear is, but as it's quite targeted and problem-specific, not a lot of the GP (General Public or Grape Population; your choice) know about it.

Here's the Rub (pun completely intended):

Before you shower, rub MD Formulations Face & Body scrub all over (the troublesome area) in circular motions. This must be done on DRY SKIN. This means you need to be a nudie in the shower with no water to be seen (or felt) as you apply it.




Why this is clever: As it contains glycolic acid, it will very gently slough off dead skin cells (which are the naughty things giving you ingrowns) and allow the gorgeous, fresh new skin cells to come through. (You'll be able to recognise them by their flashy cars and brand new mobile phones.)

Now rub/rinse it off in the shower. Sing while you do this if you like - you'll be ingrown-free and soft-skinned soon so why not. I'd go with Supertramp, probably.

Okay, now get out. There's a drought, dammit. Dry off and apply MD's face Hand & Body creme all over.

Clever because: You're putting on more glycolic acid, which further (gently) exfoliates your skin so all is left is smoothness and silkiness and joy for all. And it really, truly doesn't dry your skin, promise.



Gosh, I'm exhausted.
Miss? May I go home now?

Fruitjam.

You guys are the best.

Not only do you stick comments onto the bottom of my posts with the kind of enthusiasm usually reserved for a six-year-old with a pack of glow in the dark stickers and a bedroom ceiling, but you shuffle lots of beauty questions into my inbox, too. LOTS OF THEM.

Which I love, even if reading them gives me a tremendous case of Fraud Complex, because I don't know all of the answers off the top of my head, or even the bottom of it.

My point is this: I am trying to get to all of your curious little e-bombs, but while there are celebrities with bad hair, and silly catwalk trends, and flash new gear standing proudly on cosmetic counters to talk about, your questions may be put aside for a little time.

Think, put-down-your-apple-to-finish-hanging-out-the-washing, little time, not it's-May-and-the-fan-should-really-be-put-back-in-the-garage-now time, which as we all know can escalate to months and even years in households featuring recalcitrant teenage boys who never do their chores.

Also, keep in mind, the more simple the question, the more likely you are to get an answer.

For example, in the battle of:

"Which do you feel is the best blemish-fighting face wash?"

Vs

"How does lipstick get its shimmer, and what is the chemical makeup of the shimmer-inducing component? Is it a volatile ingredient, and if not, would it be safe to assume an ingredient of similar stable activity would also be used in eye shadows and face illuminators?"

We all know which will be answered first.

That's right, the lipstick one.

*By the law of fruit you must ignore the fact I have wasted a whole past saying this and not answering your question about texturising hair products.