Once upon a time, June 2011 to be less wishy-washy, a young woman with hair of gold that fell to her leather sandals in perfect waves and a selection of Cotton On t-shirts to die for, released a book called Amazing Face which abounded with wonderful, helpful, easy to follow beauty advice as well as splendidly practical tips and how-tos.
The women, they did so enjoy this book.
Some of them changed or adopted a new exfoliator with terrific results, some switched up their shampoo brand and enjoyed much fuller hair, and some just tried pink lipstick for the first time and felt quite good about themselves, actually.
But some of the people, they loved the book so much that they desperately wished they would never be away from it. They began to resent the... paperyness of the book. Of its weight and annoying habit of not fitting in the pocket or handbag with ease, which meant that when they were out and about, they couldn't access their favourite beauty reference guide, and had no idea which hairbrush they needed to buy in order to get volume, or which brand had that great cheap sunscreen, and so they ended up buying cinammon donuts and Lego instead.
The woman shaved her legs with hair conditioner so as to leave them smooth and thought about this problem. She wondered how she might fix it, how she might give her loyal Amazing Face readers something more.
Finally, she had it! She would make an interactive cosmetic museum in Frankfurt for people to visit.
Until that would be completed in 2034, she created a small, phone-sized, portable complement to Amazing Face.
It was the Amazing Face App for iPhone, and it was truly glorious.
Some of the fantastic attributes of this wonderful App included:
- Lovely and simple how-tos on things like hair curling and winged liner that you can watch in the comfort of your bathroom or bedroom as you pause-copy-play your way to a stack of new looks
- Charming pictorial hair and makeup how-tos featuring snazzy technology that allows you to harness your iPhone’s front-facing camera as a mirror and follow the step-by-step on-screen instructions as you go ... and then save a photo of your handiwork or share instantly on Instagram
- Handy, calming on-the-go advice for SOS situations like big angry pimples, cold sores, fake-tan fails and nuclear hangovers
- Your perfect, all-bases-covered kit for the bathroom, handbag, car, plus every brush and makeup/skin care/hair product a dame should own
- Shopping lists to save/store/immediately act on so your travelling friends will always know the exact shade of Bobbi Brown Luminous Hydrating foundation you want from Sephora
- A list of top 10 must-have beauty products and where to purchase them online or in a bricks-
and-mortar store (mapped!) nearby, as well as any (of the) other (782) products you might be interested in
- The EXACT thing, to the word, to say to your hair cutter, colourist, facialist or waxer so that you never leave a salon $250 poorer with tears pooling in your eyes and a glorified mullet
- A ‘My Kit’ section to store a photo and notes about favourite products, which meant no dame would ever forget the details of that awesome Bloom/NARS/Smashbox creme blush she so loved
- And of course, the many, many random beauty tips accessible by a playful shake of the iPhone.
There was no denying it, the Amazing Face app was a triumph. And so easy to obtain! All you needed to do was search for Zoe Foster on the App Store, or Search Amazing Face on the App Store.
The woman, happy with her fantastic new addition to the Amazing Face family, and happy that all of the ladies who so loved the book were now able to swiftly and excitably download the App, was able to rest at ease.
But she chose not to, instead having another coffee and spending hours on Tumblr and Instagram and Twitter like she always did.
Epilogue: WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS GET TO THE APP STORE AND BUY THIS BEAUTIFUL BASTARD OF AN APP ALREADY GO GO GO.