fruitybeauty

Marinating Mangoes - it's Christmas!

From "all of us" here at Fruitybeauty, may each and every fruit enjoy a happy, peaceful, relaxing, genuinely enjoyable Christmas break, and the kind of dizzyingly wonderful year that makes you melt with joy, satisfaction and fulfillment this time next year.

Before I go wrap 6, 345 presents, may I suggest you don a lovely frock and some fetching red lipstick (Festive Chic) on Baby Jesus' Day of Days?

I love to do this. Any dress will do, it's the lipstick that counts because it says, "I made an effort for my family whom I love very much and who will probably enjoy my gifts more than anyone else's". (Plus, you know there's going to be many a freshly-unwrapped Canon preying on you as you tuck into Nanna Shirley's liquor-soaked pudding, so you may as well look back on the photos fondly.)

And don't give me that 'No one else dresses up at our place,' business. Just because your Uncle Terry wears an eight day-growth, a Slazenger polo, double pluggers and Hot Tuna boardshorts he was given by his ex-wife Lynette - who ran off with that creepy guy who owned the newsagency - in 1993, that doesn't mean you can't look utterly exceptional.

All the very best, fruits.

Love,

Beauty Claus.

xo

 

Apply your bronzer like this. Go on. It'll be fun.

Q: Let me guess, you're about to post a bronzer tip?
A: Wow, you're, like, really smart and stuff.

Q: Will some fruits already have read this tip on your work blog?
A: Most likely.

Q: Then why post it here? Lazy? Running out of material?
A: Tough crowd. I'll post it here because it's too excellent to not have everyone one know it, do it and love it.

Q: Big call. What you got?
A: A pretty amazing bronzer trick, is what I got. Which is more than I can say for you, and your nasty little questions.

Q: Whatever. Start tricking and tipping, sister.
A: Okay.  So. It's a leetle bit hard to articulate, as in Very Very Hard, but after my under-eye illuminator triangle, this is probably my Best Tip Ever. I was graciously given it by a Chanel makeup artist, Anthony Adams, and it goes a little something like this...

Two-in-one mineral makeup fun! Wheeeeeee!

Buy Almay Pure Blends Mineral Makeup at Priceline or at a kickass pharmacy. Buy Meowberts via extensive and frustrating goolging under 'exotic shorthair persian kittens australia.' Buy awesome, amazing goodwill Christmas presents and feel dizzyingly, genuinely jolly. You could go for an Orangutan adoption, or help to save our Aussie bush or buy some goats, chooks and seeds for those who really need it.

Orange is a fruit. Not a skin colour.

I know I am always saying 'This self tanner is the best' or 'This gradual tanner is the best' or 'My back hurts when I wear that fricken strapless bra' but when I was asked at a Hen's the other night (if anyone was unsure of how to get spectacularly drunk, I think I may have figured it out) 'Which is the best self tan?,' which is one of the questions I am asked most, the fact that I did not even think twice tells me I may have finally figured out the self tanner I believe to be the best. (At this point in time anyway... maybe we have a new answer next week.)

It's Ella Bache Great Tan Without Sun!

*Applause*

It goes on a lovely natural looking brown, (so you have this lovely, genuine-y colour immediately) dries a lovely natural looking brown and the closest you'll get to orange with this stuff is if you decide to eat some paw paw as you wait for it to dry.