fruitybeauty

The day Fruity risked having her qualifications revoked

This is one of those things where I feel my beauty license may just be revoked for admitting such a thing, but just try and take it, punks.

So, I'm a huge fan of exfoliation, right. Not in a psychotic, getting-medical-grade-peels-every-week-way, just in a like-to-use-a-nice-gentle-scrub-every-couple-of-days, and do a glycolic/salicylic scrub on Sundays. (DAMMIT, I love the song that's on right now - how good is Let Me Think About It?) And the reason I love exfoliation is because it removes dead skin cells and dirt and grime and sunscreen and silicon that builds up on my skin day after day, which lets the moisturisers and stuff I put on penetrate better, which in turn lets my skin look better. Because I always, always want my skin too look the best it can. (In my role, it's kind of, uh, expected.)

But do you know what I never, ever did and which has really helped my skin retain the happy little glow it has in the mornings when I put on my creams and there are no dehydration lines or computer face dryness?

And remember, this is something that could have me reported because it's so mind-blowingly simple:  wash my face in the morning.

I never did it because my thing is to shower before bed and wash my face then, not in the morning, (unless I tanned the night before, or did some strenuous sleep-walking, or went for a run before work) and I figured I didn't need to wash my face again in the morning, cause that would just dry it out, surely.

No. It won't. What it will do, however, is make a big difference. (Shut up, shut up, I know I'm behind the eight ball and you've all been washing in the morning for 7689 years.)

Cause when you think about it, you put on some heavy stuff at night... Thick night creams and serums and so on, and then, then you go smush your face into a pillow! Madness!

Point: Washing that all off quickly over the basin in the morning (I use Priori facial cleanser cause it offers some mild AHA/BHA exfoliation but mostly it's just frothing with antioxidant top dog Idebenone) before you launch into your daily skin care routine makes so much sense it makes me want to vomit.

Cate, Cate, she's our man, if she can't do it, no one can.

A poem, by Fruitia Plath.

I love Cate
And you probably do too,
Her skin is exceptional
Wrinkles and lines, she has few.

I love SK-II
It gives me lovely skin cells that are new
Cate was the 'Strayan ambassador
But now she's global too.

The end.

You're being punished for being good.

With sweaty, lank hair post spin class.
That's me anyway. And actually, it's called RPM.
Whatever, my hair still looks just as rank post class, whatever the technical term for getting smashed on a bike is.

There's a whole lotta stories I have about Beauty and the Gym, but all I want to help you with today is hair.

Some tips to keep the whole business under three minutes:

Before you start, pop your hair up loosely, so as not to ruin the 'style' you've got going. This is especially crucial for curly hair fruits, or nicely blow-dried fruits. Too tight will wreck things. Fix loose annoying or fringey bits with bobby pins, and always, always have surplus amounts of both elastics and these wily little devils in your gym bag, cause doing RPM with your hair down when it's at all long BITES (if unintentional... If intentional, it's just silly and attention-seeking, like girls who wear high heels on an international flight.)

When you've showered, crack out the dry shampoo. Which will be in your gym bag. Batiste or Klorane, probably. You bought it from the chemist, remember? See how the other girls in the changeroom envy you with your shiny can of magical dust. Clever you.

Spray the dry shampoo around your hairline and quickly along the scalp and then blast your hair with a blow dryer on high heat. You shouldn't need a brush, unless you're a fringey fruit, in which case pack a smallish barrel brush (ceramic or tourmaline are best) and style that baby down. If you're a curly fruit, feel free to skip the blow dryer part. It'll go all fluffy and wack, but you already knew that.

You've just worked out, you deserve to look pretty, and now you do.

Like this girl! Except sadly her hairstyle will be ruined, cause she wore her ponytail too tight. (Let's not talk about her makeup. This is not the time to talk about her makeup.) But maybe she won't care cause she's only going home to eat chicken stir fry in her gym gear and watch Summer Heights High and maybe do some laundry.

Fruity and the tale of the manbrows.

Once upon a time a friend very quietly asked Fruity if she may be able to recommend a waxer.

Of course, she said, hurling her wondeful waxer's number at him. (Yes, him, because men need waxing too. Women aren't the only ones with lymph nodes and organs that need warmth and protection.)

And then Fruity took a gamble. She emailed her friend again and suggested that maybe, and she sincerely hoped no offence would be taken, because you know, a good friend looks out for good friends, and honestly and sincerely want them to look their very best at all times, even if that means trudging through moments of extreme and violent awkwardness, she suggested that maybe, maybe he might like to ask her to tidy up his brows, just a teeeeeny bit.

A teeeeny tiny bit that wouldn't be noticed by anyone, and yet everyone would notice something, because his face would look somehow more handsome. And that men shouldn't be afraid to ask for a very subtle clean up if they have wild brows, because their brows won't look feminine and over-manicured, no, not by a long shot no, just neater and more handsome.

And he laughed at Fruity and said he usually did get them done and was going to anyway and then Fruity felt like a tool but when she saw his brows after they were done and saw what a magnificent little change they made, she felt less tool-like and more excellent-like because even if it weren't her idea, he now looked great and that made her felt great.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The end.

A simple, supermodel-y way to look younger

Is to Not Wear Mascara for the day.
Seriously.

I read it in an article by.... maybe Christy Turlington? Or maybe it was Claudia Schiffer. It was one of those 90s supermodel types in any case, and she swore that the fastest way to look young and fresh was to Not Wear Mascara.

Now, as I already drop the mascara on the weekends (weekday makeup is tricky; weekends are quicky) I've started to stealthily drop it during the week too, not for lazy purposes you understand, but for 'fresh' purposes.

Of course, one must complement the lack of lashes (which on a lot of people can make them feel naked) by not wearing shadow, but by certainly wearing a lovely all-over base or tinted moisturiser (the more radiant the better), concealer in all the right places, curling the lashes, and a "healthy" (read: a lot) amount of blush or bronzer (bronzer is my preference as it makes my eye whites and teeth beam) to make the look into a 'Fresh, youthful look as advised by a 90s supermodel', as opposed to 'I forgot to wear mascara today,' look.

Of course, if you are 13 years old and reading this, you can't physically look much younger and fresher, so why not go read a Babysitters Club book or something and wait for the next post.

Make an Effort Monday

Fruits, do you know how sometimes you get into a makeup trend, and that's all you do, every day, until you forget what you used to do pre-trend?

I do.

Most recently, my makeup trend was MAC bronzed cheeks and a swish of Clinique chocolate shadow and NARS nude gloss. Boring as. (Well to me, now.)

Before that, a slick of green Erica F lancome shadow used as liner, MAC bronzer and clear Arden gloss. Meh.

Before that, as you all know, it was the Tom Ford Azuree bronzed face, Laura Mercier tangerine coral lip thing I did pretty much all winter. Fun, but just like owning too many pairs of Balenciaga heels*, it gets boring after a while.

And so, last week, sensing i was failing to live  up to the expectation of  beauty editor, I shook off my boring makeup husk, and embraced newness once more. And gosh balls, do I recommend it.

The first look i dabbled with was Ultimate Barbie; Lancome lilac shadow along the lash line, MAC pink/shimmery Mineralize blush (a lot of MAC pink/shimmery Mineralize blush) on the apples of the cheeks, and some MAC Barbie gloss. I got a few 'I like your makeup today' from non beauty editors, and a few 'Oooooh, look at frosty fruit and her fancy makeup' from beauty editors. We're allowed to give each other stick when we lash out; it's the rule.

The next day, though, I think I found my new makeup trend. Estee Lauder navy-royal blue liner along the upper and under lids, smudged a little, and a lovely bronzey brown from Lancome on the eyeball. Mascara times 678, natural blush, nude opaque gloss and whammy - we're in funtown.

It was pretty dramatic for daytime, I'll be honest, but I was wearing my hair back and a high collar, making the makeup the absolute focus, so it was ok. (The less things fighting for attention around the face, the better.)

Anyway. Point: Why not break your makeup trend today? Add some liner. Subtract some liner. Leave the bronzer off. Add some bronzer. Switch gloss for lipstick, or just another shade of gloss. Just do something.

Life's too short and too serious to not play around with makeup, fruits.
Just ask Amy Winehouse.

*Not something I would know about. Yet.

Dimpled thighs are nice and all but...

SCREW THAT.

I've just found what I believe to be the best cellulite (meshed with a bit of - gasp - weight loss) slayer around. And trust me fruits, in this job I have tried them all. And no, it's not because I'm obsessed with having some dimples on my ass, but because it's my job to find what works in all areas of beauty. Literally.

So.

It's not a cream, it's not a diet and it's not a swell new massage device.
It's a giant wetsuit peddling vacuum chamber thingy. (Technical term.)

Ok. You've got me. I can't back that up. It's actually called Hypoxi.

What will interest you: It took off six cm from my ass in 12 sessions. It also took off weight from my thighs, waist and legs. I believe Tori/Jess/Anthea/Ariana/one-of-the-adorable-Hypoxiettes revealed it to be somewhere in the region of 21 cm all up. Which is A LOT.

What won't interest you: I ate salmon for dinner.

I've already written about my hypoxification in the magazine I work for, and in the fortnightly blog I write for the magazine I work for, so guess what! I'm not going to explain it all again.

This link is prepared to do all the hard work for me in return for some time off at Christmas with his family. (I said yes, as long as he doesn't ask for Australia day off too.)

Of course, you'll be needing visual proof, so here's a photo I took of me with my new improved body...

Uh, I'm down here.

Few of my friends and I were discussing this tonight, during the ad breaks for Entourage.

How strange is it when your hairdresser looks at her/himself in the mirror constantly when they're doing your hair? And not at your face, but theirs.

They look at themselves when they speak to you, when you speak to them, when no one is speaking... and some of them play with their own hair as they look into the mirror. As in, every time there is an even remotely sizeable chunk of non-foiling/snipping/painting, and their hands are glove free. Especially if they've just had their hair done.

I once had a lovely girl blow dry my hair who had just that day switched from blonde to red head and she was mesmerised with her new look. To the point where it was thieving time from my blow dry. I imagine in that scenario I'd be exactly the same, but it was still fascinating for me to watch.

I mean, I can understand when they look at your face when you chat. You're not going to swivel to look at them every time are you? No, because your blow dry will never get finished or you'll end up with non-intentional, non-fashion forward and non-ironic uneven hair. And so it kind of makes sense to connect visually through the mirror. But when they're looking at themselves in the mirror, repeatedly, it begins to becomes a little bit odd. Right? Or is it just me being infantile again?

Look, just like Jenny Lopez not discussing her startlingly, violently obvious possible pregnancy, I'm sure there's a reason behind the mirror business.

The fact that these guys stare at a room full of mirrors all day probably means they are immune to them, and you know, just do it out of hairdressy habit.

Of course, if anyone 'in the biz' can shed some light, I would be very grateful. I love logical explanations. (Especially those concerning things like why prawns insist on swimming backwards.)

Support Pink Ribbon day and look Definitely Excellent simultaneously.

Go on, it'll be fun.

Jessica Fruit, who works at Jeanswest, wanted me to tell you all about the rad designer tees they have in store this month, all of which were specially created by Definitely Excellent designers to raise money for Pink Ribbon Day on Monday October 22 (a wonderful day that raises funds for breast cancer research and awareness). It's called the Jeanswest Designer Charity Tee project and it's in its third year, and well, it's kind of really, really good.

And who might the designers be this year, you murmur?

Well, I'll tell you.

Alba Fan Club.
Manning Cartell.
Kate Hurst.
Kirrily Johnston.
Camilla and Marc.

And what might the special little tees look like, you whisper?

Well, I'll show you.

Pretty neat tees, huh?
You bet your ass they are.

Important part: They go on sale TOMORROW, and cost only $29.95 each, with 10 clams from each tee heading straight to the fine people at Pink Ribbon Day HQ. They are limited. They will not last. They never do.

As such, I suggest you get your shiny little EFTPOS card and shimmy down to ye olde Jeanswest town immediately if not sooner. These tees are visually rad, and karmically sound. Especially for 30 bucks! Especially when ten of said bucks are going to help the guys in white lab coats find a cure for breast cancer. It's just win win, really.

(For the record, I love the Kate Hurst owl tee best, hence why it's rumpled; it's on high rotation and was hurled straight from the clothesline to appear in its super-expensive-and-professional studio shoot for Fruity.)

The thing about waterproof mascara...

...is that like death metal, it's really just very misunderstood.

Here are some good things about waterproof mascara:

It's superb for those who want mascara on their bottom lashes but find their mega volume-building monster mascara they use on their top lashes is smudging and falling down.

It's excellent for people who may already be using a light mascara (on the top or lower lashes), but still find that they get drop down and the old 'Non, I'm not ill nor am I sleep deprived, why doth thou ask?' black eye effect.  (Some people sweat around the eye lids - sounds grosser than it is and is actually way normal.)

It's rad for summer. Because it's hot. And humid. And we sweat. And swim. And dance. And regular mascara can't always cope in such heady conditions.